The Out of Utero Adventures of Baby Payne

Talking

2009-07-16T14:41:00.014-05:00

My little boy is growing up sooooooo fast and so big! He just talks and talks and talks and listening to the sound of his voice is what angels must sound like (ok, that's pretty sappy and not quite what I mean, but when I listen to him make words, my heart gets so big it feels like it will explode.) He will try to say anything and we like to give him big words to try and say - like vegetable or contraption. They come out all gobbley-gook and make us laugh outloud. Then he looks all proud. He is getting pretty good with "vegetable."

We gave him as one of his birthday present a little broom and dust pan just his size. Yesterday morning I was making breakfast and a tupperware with yogurt slid off the counter onto the floor (fortunately it stayed right-side up) but it splashed in my eye and I let out a yelp. I turned around and there he was right behind be with broom in one hand and dustpan in the other saying "mess!" - ooooh it was so sweet I could have cried. And I thought it was pretty hilarious! He was also eating yogurt the other day and both Kevin and I had turned our back for just a minute and when I looked back, there he was, finger painting with his yogurt all over the table and pointing to it saying "mess". I guess he's got that word down pretty good.

But he makes little sentences too. He brought me a yellow ball a few weeks ago and said "I love yellow". He "loves" alot of things. Yellow, crackers, the pool, Blues Clues ("Look! A clue! Look! A clue!" - repeat 20 times). He says "I dropped it" "I broke it" "I love it". I can't think what else right now.

He also looooves his new daycare. We started at the Episcopal church at the beginning of the summer. I really liked his old program too but this one is a little more intimate. I like that they have a lot of center areas where they can play and run in besides just outside because it is SO hot out, they can not spend that much time outside anymore.

In other news, I felt really sick and nauteous this morning. The odds are low. But I guess they are there. We will see.

Our Pirate Friends, Captain Red (Mark) and his Rum Wench (Blair)

Grayson first seeing me when I got back from a 4-night trip to NYC. Kevin wanted me take a picture of Grayson's expression.

6/27/09 - a nice Saturday

2009-06-27T20:11:00.000-05:00

Those eyes....

Ride The Little Pony (a JJ game)

Nana & Papa's Pool

Silly daddy!

First watermelon

Nana kisses!

Two Years Old

2009-06-08T14:04:00.010-05:00

This one of Grayson was taken on his actual birthday. Captain Co came over and we kept singing Happy Birthday to him and he thought it was just hilarious.

Sooooo hard to believe - baby is TWO! Years! Old!!! And loving every minute of it. He talks up a storm now. Repeats everything so we really gotta watch it. Grayson is very into monsters these day (this is due to a Monster Sesame Street video of songs) and we think it is great fun. His word for monsters is "Baaaah!" He even has some monster faces he makes. Here are some pics from his birthday party.

4/3/09

2009-04-03T13:58:00.003-05:00

Last Thursday was a VERY long day/night. I never did go to sleep. I get so restless the night before I have to go somewhere. So I was up packing and fussing around until about 1:30am. Then I just laid in bed and told myself that I was a Zen Warrior and I didn't really need sleep, I just needed to rest my mind and body. I left the bathroom light and kitchen light on bc I was afraid if I really did fall asleep that I wouldn't be able to get up. So I hopped up at 3am, showered, woke Kevin and Grayson and off we went at 3:30am. Grayson did not go back to sleep until we were on the plane. He is a very good traveler, all things considered.

Packing and paint

2009-03-25T23:29:00.002-05:00

Only have a minute, as it is late and I am still packing. But this morning Grayson and I were sitting on my bed. I was leaning back (as if I were reading a book) and Gray laid next to me. Then he kept scooting closer until he leaned over and put his head on my chest. Then he sighed "Momma". We had a moment, and then he was off to the next thing.

Oh my, it was total bliss for me. He calls me my name occasionally and he knows who I am and points and smiles, but that was amazing.

Also, picking him up at school today, his teacher (Ms Candace) was very proud to show me a painting that Grayson made. Each kid had a piece of white paper with the outline of a black car on it and they painted them. Grayson's was full on high color, texture and it was quite pretty. You know, for abstract art. I thought it was lovely but did not really see what all the fuss was about. I mean, aren't all the kids pictures great? She saw I was amused and flattered but that I didn't really get it. So she laid out all the other pictures for me to see and said, "See? Compared to the others, his is incredible!" Of course no other parents were there! :-) But it really was great! The others had a few splotches of paint here and there or maybe just one or two colors. She said that he REEEALLy got into it - like standing over the paper with all the paintbrushes in his hands just going for it! Cool. My father was a talented man and my mom is a very talented artist. Kevin is pretty good too. I am looking forward to nurturing his love of art and color and seeing where it goes.

Ok, back to the bags....

Nasty nose

2009-03-24T21:08:00.003-05:00

I am sick sick sick. I think its allergies - supposedly pine and oak - as everyone seems to be having the same sickness. I was dealing the past few weeks, but last night and today have been the worst. Last night I really couldn't breathe so I found some nasal spray (around 11pm) and gave that a sniff. Holy Cow! Nothing at first...then it felt like I had a blow torch up my nose! It was so horrible that I couldn't sleep until 3am. I was literally jumping out of my skin. I even put milk up my nose. So today (and tonight) it is even harder to breathe then it was last night and I have been miserable all day. I think Grayson is suffering the same thing. Poor little guy was holding his nostrils and sniffing real hard to try and breathe.

Today he went to Karissa's for the day so I just worked and suffered. Got some things done though, so I feel good about being productive. Tomorrow will be crazy as I pick Grayson up from Mom's Day Out (MDO) at 2:45pm, visit with Coman, get his hair cut at 5:30, then dinnerbathstorybed. And then I do some packing and load the car. We are leaving the house no later than 3:30am for the airport. My grandfather (Mr. Ellsbury) passed away so Grayson and I are going home for a few days. I am also going to see some clients. I am a little concerned re how to get Grayson, his stroller, two suitcases (Alex had to leave his here in Feb) and two carry on bags into the the airport with no shuttle and no valet parking.....ugh.

Loving JJ

2009-03-23T20:11:00.006-05:00

Its so difficult putting Grayson to bed. That's when I really miss Jerri the most and feel the most sad. I mean, I miss her all the time. There are so many things that come up that she would have been a part of. For example, me and another mom were in charge of the Valentine's Day party at school. So we were in the classroom setting up while the kids were out playing and the mom, Stacy, asked something about how I ended up moving here and I just feel apart. Like completely apart. Not on the floor bawling, but tears streaming down my face. Ugh. It was awful. I just never know when that kind of stuff is going to happen. But Jerri would rather have walked over hot coals then *not* be at Grayson's school helping with the party. Same thing when they did the Mardi Gras party. Or when it was the Foley and then the Gulf Shores Mardi Gras parades (which are very family friendly). Instead, Grayson and I went by ourselves (Kevin was at work during both of those parades.) I felt really sorry for the snowbird couple from Oklahoma that asked me how it was I ended up in Gulf Shores.....

And a few weeks ago I went to a big baby/kid consignment sale in Pensacola. Carol and Carolyn watched Grayson because it was too massive to get any real shopping done with him but I was sad and angry and lonely on my drive over because this was again, something that Jerri would have gone to with me.

So at night, when I put Grayson to bed, after his bath and stories, we cuddle in the rocking chair and listen to his lullabies and sometimes I sing Hush Little Baby. I also sing a song that we sang to Jerri as she lay dying (I am having a dejavu - have I written this here before?) it goes: "Listen listen listen, to our heart song, we will always love you, we will never forget you." So I sing that to Grayson and I swear he remembers this song. (When we sang it to Jerri, she had been moved to the hospital bed at the foot of her regular bed. She was unconscious (well, her eyes were closed and she was not actively responding.) The room was filled with, literally, her loved ones. We all crowded around her bed: me, Grayson, Coman, Kevin, Sonya & Sponge, Coman's sister Mary & her husband Bob, Coman's brother Paedar & his wife Margarita (Margarita led the song), Jerri's father, step-mother, two sisters, brother & wife, many of their children and children's children and at least a dozen friends probably more.) So I often sing that to Grayson and I just know he remembers. Also, when we sang that to Jerri, a tear rolled down her face. I dont even know what to say about that. I was stunned, shocked, sad, grateful, scared and broken hearted. I dont think anyone else noticed because no one mentioned it. I only just this past weekend told Coman and Kevin. Neither had any idea. But that song - I sing it to him because I feel that she really heard it - she knew we were standing right there beside her, loving her. So I sing that to Grayson and I tell him how much his JJ loves him. That she is looking over him and that he will see her in his dreams. That she will take him to the park and they will go on the slides and the swings and if he is good, maybe they will go to the beach too. Though that is a silly thing to say because he really is always good - at least he will always be in JJ's eyes. So that little guy can go wherever and do whatever he wants in his dreams - JJ will take him there. He also gets to eat alot of ice cream in his dreams.

So night time really breaks my heart. And today, after school, Riley "Rah-Rah" - a very good friend of Jerri's - met us and we played at the school playground and then went for Mexican. We were talking about Jerri. And when I said JJ to Grayson "JJ Grayson, you remember JJ?" he said JJ and made the "I love you" sign. It was automatic. He knows how much his JJ loves him.

Back in the saddle again

2009-03-22T21:03:00.008-05:00

Ok. For Grayson, I am trying this again. I don't know why it has been so hard. Well, sure I do. For one, I feel that I need to write about what happened with Jerri. Especially before it gets so late that I forget more and more. Though of course I will NEVER forget. The memories will just change. I need to do this very soon. But I feel like until I do that, then I can't do anything else. And that is not right or fair to Grayson because there are so many joyful things to write about that I write in my head and they never make it to paper and I forget.

I also just get sick of sitting in my cramped little office at the computer so as soon as I am done with work, i am outta here and don't like to even really look at the computer. It's like with Facebook (though I do wish Blogger would puncuate as I type like it does on FB....that would be some incentive...) but anyway, I was really into FB at first and I do love reconnecting with so many friends, but I have this bad habit of reconnecting with someone and they write me this lovely long email and I dont respond not because I dont want to but because I dont want to respond until I can take the time to write a meaningful response and not just some crappy quick answer. So sometimes a long time goes by.....and I seem like a jerk. But I'm not I swear!

And I have a really funny (or so I think) story I wrote about traveling to Philly that I wrote on the road in early December. I was planning to type it here but when I got back Jerri was so sick - and I am still so sickened that I was out of town - that I have not been able to read it since I wrote it.

So that is the very short story of my absence. *sigh*

And now to try and write again....the good stuff. (It would also help if I was a little more tech savvy with re to adding pics and such.....Rebecca - maybe you would be kind enough to do a phone tutorial with me??? :-)

Meanwhile, I will start with yesterday and where Grayson is in general.

He's GREAT! Mostly anyway. He is just the sweetest, cutest little boy - I cant stand it! Its unreal how much love a person can feel. Yesterday he started saying "el-lo". I wish I could write the inflection in his voice. He is saying "hello" but it comes out "el-lo" with the inflection going down on the "lo". It sounds really cute. He started saying this in the car today on the way back from a BBQ and Blues Festival I took him to. Kevin was at a neighborhood sports bar watching MD lose their spot to go to the Sweet 16. I met a gf, Stephanie, and her son and some of her friends at the festival and mostly Grayson stayed in the Moonbounce. It was his first one and worth every cent of the $10 we paid for the festival (even though I did not get any of the BBQ samples...it was just too hard with him.) But we had a good time and went to our absolute favorite BBQ place in Robertsdale on the way home. Which is *not* on the way home - its another 8 or so miles away - but I LOVE their BBQ shack! And I think its cool that the Robertsdale High School has a coed Rodeo Team. I really am in the sticks, aren't I? Actually, Robertsdale is the sticks. Gulf Shores is a beach paradise unto itself. More about GS another time.....

Anyway, I had been leaving a message for a friend, Joy, and when I hung up, he started saying "el-lo". So we said it a bunch of times and then I asked him to say "bye-bye" - which he did! And cute of cute, today he brought me a yellow shovel and said "ell-ow". Very clearly, that is yellow versus hello. Maybe he is working on "L"s and "O"s or something....

He also says (clearly): Up, down, out, cat, car and some other things but I cant think what at the moment. He repeats alot of things and tries to say everything. It just doesnt always make sense. He does say Da-Da. And the funniest I think - I have tried to record it several times and failed though on one recording you can hear my friend Jenny screaming with laughter "OMG I heard him! OMG that is so funny!" - is when he says my name. If I say to him, "Grayson, what is my name?" He points to himself and says emphatically, "Ima!" Which translated means that I have asked him so many times, "Grayson, what is my name?" and he has so many times looked at me as if to say "Damned if I know" that for a long time I resorted to pointing at my chest and nearly screaming, "I'm mom! I'm mom!" that he now calls me "Ima" - and points to himself for good measure.

But we are working on "mom" and "momma" as well. For example, in the morning, when he is standing in his crib calling for us in code "eeeeeeeeeh!" that I now usually ask him to say my name - mom or momma - and he does once. So I say "Grayson" and take one step. Then he says "mom" and I take one step and say Grayson. Etc etc until I am standing at his crib and we are laughing and rubbing noses and he gives me his morning kiss (and I him.) Then I tell him we are going to say good morning to the sun and change his diaper. And I scoop him out, we open the blinds and wave to the rising son, and the palm trees and pine trees and the ponds and the fountain and the ducks and sometimes a Blue Heron or two and a beaver slinking into the creek. Grayson has a *spectacular* view out of his window. Particularly in the morning. Its just gorgeous and deserves its own little hello.

He also still uses a ton of sign language. Its great. We have really and truly been effectively communicating since he was a year. The words were pretty much in this order: water, milk, cheerios, eat, diaper, banana, crackers, fruit, i love you, more, all done, pacifier, bath, please, thank you, story (book), bed, we just made one up for music and I am working on one for listen/hear. I'm sure I am leaving a bunch out. He also doesn't say yes but he exhales a big "hhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" with a huge grin and that is yes. He doesn't say no but he shakes his head from side to side and says "ehhhhhh!" and believe me, it sounds like no. Somestimes he slaps whatever it is away and if he is really pissed, he just keeps on slapping with short little noises. There is no mistaking what he wants and doesnt want. But he nods his head yes as well and clearly enjoys saying yes. He does not seem to say no just for the sake of saying no. Not yet anyway.

And he loooooves to dance! And he loooooves Sesame Street. TV is a new development for us. I think his babysitter Karissa eased him into it and thats fine. He gets a little obsessive about it - especially in the morning - but he really only watches Sesame Street and The Wiggles and sometimes Jacks Big Music Show. These programs are excellent and I see him learning things and dancing so we are ok with it. SSt taught him how to hop. And he absolutely adores Snuffleupagus (and of course Elmo.) Snuffleupagus is prominent in a SSt video of songs (Kids Songs 2) and I could tell he was taken with him. I had made a note to myself to look out for Snuffy toys and thought it would be cool to find one. He already has some Elmo stuff. So one day we were at Books a Milliom (BAM) and there were all these cute Gund SSt animals. I glanced over the 25 or so animals and saw all the usual suspects and moved on. Then wouldn't you know it, Grayson brings me not one, but two Snuffleupagus! I never even saw them in the pile. So now that is a very favorite toy. That and his four Taggie blankets. And his paci. He doesn't need all these things at one time, but when comfort is really needed, def the paci and a Taggie. Sometimes Snuffy is in place of the Taggie and sometimes in addition. He sleeps with all three for certain.

Sleeping has been rough the past few nights though. He normally goes down around 7 or 7:30pm and gets up around 6:30am. He did ok with the time change we thought but then the past few nights he has been going to sleep at 8 and 8:30 and 9 and getting up at 5am! Last night he did not fall asleep until at least 9pm and then woke at 3:30am and never went back to bed. I was in there with him trying until 5am and then Kevin took over until 8am. Then he was a wild man running around all morning. He finally napped from 11:30-2:30. I managed to get him to sleep around 7:45pm but it was not smooth like it used to be. I have noticed he is getting more clingy with me so that could have something to do with it. He is also MISERABLE getting his molars. Its been dreadful and it must be close to over as I can kind of see them now and its been a few weeks, getting worse lately.

So on that note re sleep, I actually have some work to do (boo) and then need to get my sleep in case I am up all night again! Kevin left today for work out of town so there will be no 5am help.

Shameful!

2008-11-18T10:35:00.002-06:00

Oh, it is so shameful and pathetic that I have not kept this up to date. Just been so, so busy and what little down time I have, I am just wiped out. I am fast asleep every night by 9:30. But things are ok so far. No real drama. I will update more very soon.

Reporting live from Gulf Shores, Al.
me

Road trip and here we are

2008-09-21T09:20:00.006-05:00

We made it. I stayed up really late Thursday (until 3:30am) trying to wrap up some work and get the blog caught up. I hate falling behind on this thing. I still write, but sometimes its just notes or I want to go back and add pics or check my spelling, so sometimes I save drafts for a long time. I'm going to try and be better about it.

We finally got on the road for real at 11:45 in the morning (you know, had to go back because we forgot something, had to get gas, had to drop off a key to Laura....) The ride itself was very smooth - no traffic. We had no problems until we tried to find the Norcross Marriott hotel in Atlanta. As we approached the city, we called for directions. Find exit 31B and then blah blah. Ok, easy enough. But we were at exit 96. Then 74. Then about 20 minutes later 276. Whaaa? And then finally we were south of the city. Called them back. "Oh, did you see Jimmy Carter Blvd? You have to take that access road to get to exit 31." Ah yeah, saw JCB about 30 minutes ago and you have got to be kidding if you think we are going back. I was worried we would get screwed because the reservation needed to be cancelled by 6pm if we weren't going to stay and it was now around 10pm but she was very nice about it and said we could find another Marriott and stay there and she would cancel this one. Called Marriott and found one near the airport - but for $83! The Norcross one was $51. I was not pleased but figured I would put Grayson on my hip and beg at the desk. So we got there and it was a HUGE hotel! And some sorority thing was going on, and parking was another $6 and in the end it was going to cost $100 and we were just so tired and irritated and thinking about how nice my friend Rima was to offer us her home but she was off of 85 and we weren't really sure where and she was north of Atlanta and it was just too confusing at the time but now it was confusing again and really late and I only had 3 hours of sleep and UGH! Fortunately, Grayson was in a good mood.

So we got back on the horn with Marriott and lo and behold, there was a Fairfield Marriott a few minutes away. For $55. Whew! So we got there at 11:30pm and all was right with the world again. Until we learned they had no crib for Grayson. Oh god.....he has not been able to sleep in bed with us since he was four months old - he thinks its party time. And we were soooooooooo tired. And he was in suuuuch a good, happy *awake* mood. So by about 1:45am, with Grayson still crawling around, standing up on daddy, talking away, I swear to God I was ready to get back up and check out of this freaking hotel and keep driving south. I mean, if we were going to be up all night, why pay for it? Finally, *finally*, he settled down. But it was still awful because we were so afraid he was going to fall out of the bed. Around 4am I woke up because I had to pee and Gray shifted around a little so he was laying against my leg with his head at my knee. But there was no way I was going to get up and chance him waking or falling off the bed so I put my hand on his legs and stayed put.

5:44am - "WHAACK!" followed by the most god-awful screaming crying you ever heard. Damn it!!!! I KNEW he was going to fall off the bed! He had wiggled his way to the foot of the bed and fell off. OMG, my poor baby. The floor is concrete with just the barest whisper of carpet covering it. It was just horrible. He cried and cried and cried and hiccupped and cried and hiccupped some more. I didn't want him to go back to sleep in case he had a concussion or something like that. Not that he had any plans on going back to sleep, trust me. But Kevin did. So Gray and I started our morning and hung out in the lobby breakfast area and ate and I drank alot of coffee. Now I had had about 7-1/2 hours total sleep since Wednesday. Yuck.

Yesterday (Sat) was a beautful day and we got back on the road at 8:20am.

Grayson travels really well. If he is not sleeping, he just plays and looks out the window. We let him have the paci in the car on long trips like this and that makes him really content. When he is fussy, it is usually because he wants to eat. At one point he was practically begging for a banana. We stopped at a food mart and there was no fruit but I think one of the ladies must have had one in her lunch or something because they found one in back and sold it to us for a quarter. Grayson was very grateful. And they were so nice!

People in the south are just SO nice! Really! Everywhere we go. Case in point: After grabbing a bite at a Panera, we stopped at Michaels so I could run in and grab some yarn for a blanket I am making. At the cash out, I was behind one lady that had a whole bunch of stuff. Someone came into the store and the cashier made a point to lean over the counter and offer a friendly. "Hello, how are you?" as the lady and her kid entered the store. Really? I don't think I have seen this gesture of frivolous friendliness before. Then the lady in front of me turned and saw me and said "Oh my! I'm so sorry, if I had seen you before I got started here I would have let you go in front of me." Double really??? So then we just all started chatting, she was buying votives and candles and stuff that looked very familar to the goods I had for making candle decorations at my wedding. Yes, it was for her daughter's wedding. I told her how I had used a hot glue gun to attach the glass stones to the votives and that I did not recommend it and she was very impressed with the tip, she had planned on a hot glue as well. I mean, come on, you can use glitter glue and everything! I know, totally sucked that the candles heat up the glass and the stones fall off. Ah, duh. We had a good laugh. I just couldn't believe that at 9:30am I was chatting away with total strangers in Michaels. I mean, I guess this does happen at home. But this kind of scene was the norm on our trip everywhere we stopped, as opposed to the exception.

So back on our way we went. The further south we got, the more we started to notice bugs hitting the windshield. Splat! Splat splat splat!!! We tried to clean them off at the gas station. Nope. We tried the wiper fluid. Nope - they just turned into glue smeared all across the glass. It was so weird! Turns out they are Love Bugs - two bugs attached to each other and if they become unattached, they die. This is the season for them right now. Not sure how long it lasts, but they are everywhere!

Anyway, we made it here safe and sound yesterday and were unpacked and settled in by 4pm. Not bad. Aunt Sonya arrived just before us and everyone seems to be in a pretty good mood. Coman even did a party trick.

We visited Pat and Bob (Sugar & Papa) for a bit (she just had tendon surgery on her foot) and Kathy & Roger stopped by too (Memaw and Papaw? I can't get quite get all these southern grandparent nick names down yet). Back at the house we made shrimp and mojitos and watched the Auburn game. Alabama creamed Arkansas earlier in the day - they love their football down here! Today we are on a mission to go to the beach and find the Redskins game. We are hoping they can show it at The Hangout and then we can do it all.

First shoes and mommy learned a lesson

2008-09-18T08:28:00.010-05:00

Yesterday I got Grayson his first pair of real big boy shoes! Got measured at Stride Rite and everything. They are a size 5-1/2, blue (and tan) suede shoes! They are so cute. All the little shoes were so cute. Grayson was on the floor next to me playing with a music table and I was checking out the little doll-like shoes for a few min when I looked down and did not see Grayson next to me. PANIC! I looked around and didn't see him anywhere! Not under the benches, not along the rows of shoes on the wall, then I looked further out to see him weeble-wobbling his way out the door of the store into the mall. Holy Crap!!! No joke when they say a kid can vanish in a moment. Consider my lesson learned. And I will be buying one of those leash thingys.

Here is a picture of his new shoes next to his very first pair of shoes. Kevin and I bought those in Old Town when I was pregnant. There was a pair of Robex inbetween that had pirates on them.

Earlier we had lunch with Nicole and Ryan and it was so cute to watch them interact. Ryan is 2-1/2 and thought Grayson was really funny. Grayson would shake his head and back and forth and Ryan would too and they played some back and forth games like that. *sigh* My little boy is getting so big.

Here there are together, we asked Grayson to give Ryan a hug. Its sort of an attempt....

Jerri

2008-09-17T08:28:00.002-05:00

So we have more info. Best case scenario, they remove half of Jerri's stomach. Worse case is they remove the whole stomach and look to see if they can find cancer cells on any other organs. Removing her whole stomach means there were cancer cells on the outside of the stomach, which is why there would be concern they moved to other organs. So the less stomach removed, the better obviously. They just won't know until they get in there and look. I am looking at this as, so far, positive news. So far it does not look like it has spread to anywhere else. So this really is good news. People can live the whole rest of their lives with just a small portion of the stomach. Even without a stomach, though that scenario feels worrisome because it seems like it could be more likely to come back, which it could anyway, but still.....

I spoke to both Coman and Jerri and Jerri's friend Pat, who is a nurse and went to the appointment with them. Pat told me the doctor told Jerri she is very, very sick and this was very serious. She might feel fine but she's not. Jerri told me they laid out the worst case scenario but again, don't really know. Ok. So, Kevin and Grayson and I are leaving Friday to drive down there. Surgery is scheduled for Monday or Wednesday. Nothing we can do now but pray and stay positive. Heck, Jerri was drinking a glass of wine when I spoke to her and planning on playing tennis today.

The worst news I have probably ever heard in my life

2008-09-15T20:48:00.003-05:00

I haven't been able to write about this because at first I was just too shaken up. Now I just don't want to think about it or give any life to it. But I have to face it. So here it is.

When I got home Wednesday from dinner with Ann, Kevin told me that his mom, Jerri, has been diagnosed with stomach cancer. She has an ulcer and was getting it treated. As part of the treatment, they ran some tests on it. And they came back with stomach cancer. It was such a shock. We knew they were testing for that, but it was just like one of those random things that they have to test for but you don't really expect them to find. Jerri is so young - 60 going on 35. She plays tennis all the time. She is in great shape. She has a better social life than most anyone I know. I mean, this is just not supposed to happen. I can't picture my life - or more importantly, Grayson's life - without her. This just can't be real.

But everything is going to be fine. We keep telling ourselves that. She sounds great. She sounds strong. She says she doesn't feel weak at all. So she needs to put in at least another 20 years. She has to. Not only do I love her to pieces, as she really has become my mother, but god, I don't want Grayson to miss out on her love. I want him to have her love for as long as possible. I never experienced the kind of love she shows Grayson. Not from my parents or grandparents or anyone. I briefly had something similar from my mother's mom, Grandma Bertha, but she died when I was eight years old. And I remember her brother, Grandpa Harry. I probably only met him two or three times, but I still remember very intensely what it was like to sit on his lap with his long arms wrapped tight around me and I knew he loved me and thought I was the most beautiful little princess in the world. And then he was gone too. He probably died when I was even younger, maybe five or six. So that's it for me and unconditional love. That's not to say my parents don't love me. I know they do. Its just very complicated - and usually uncomfortable - with my mother. My father died when I was 2-1/2 (though I know he loved me like mad). My stepfather was not a very nice person and I won't say any more about that except that I have somehow over the years managed to find a way to come to peace with that part of my past and am even able to have a relationship with him now. A pretty good one, fwiw. And Gerry, my mother's husband now, is my father. And he really is. I know he loves me and we are close. But it's different. Partly probably due to circumstances but also just personality. The Ellsbury's are somewhat reserved. Jerri loves Grayson with total abandon. That kind of family love is something new to me. And damn it, I want that baby to soak in as much of that unconditional grandma love as possible. Who else would call his pee "sweet water"?

So we are doing our best to stay optimistic that it has not spread too far and that it can all be removed safely. We will know more tomorrow afternoon. Meanwhile, we are trying to make plans to move to Gulf Shores as quickly as possible (this is not public news, as I haven't even told my parents, but I trust that hardly anyone reads this blog anyway.....) Thankfully my job allows me to work from wherever. Kevin's job is not paying anything hardly at all and that means that, quite frankly, we can't afford to stay here anymore. He would likely make more doing, well, anything. It's not a good environment for a new financial advisor. So he is looking for work and we are looking for a renter for our house. We don't want to miss a single minute by Jerri and Coman's side.

Happy Birthday Suzy

2008-09-15T20:46:00.006-05:00

Suzy turned 40 on Friday so she and Brett had a party to celebrate Saturday night. It was a lot of fun and my parents babysat so we were able to really relax and spend the night. Met up again with some friends from college and one, Cindy, loves close by in Darnestown. Yay! And of course there were antics with Doug and Nish. Love them.

Laura, Suzy, Cindy

Doug & Nish

Earlier in the day Kevin spied Grayson and me. Grayson was bringing me a book to read to him. He will drop one in my lap and then crawl into my lap.

Signing at dinner

2008-09-13T14:44:00.004-05:00

Friday I had a big meeting for work - trying to get some old invoice issues resolved with a client - and it went very well. I was so relieved. It has been eating up a lot of time. But it went well so Kevin and Grayson and I went out to dinner to celebrate. Grayson is just so good its ridiculous. Here are a few pics from dinner.

Signing "more"

Proud of himself

Dad telling him to sign "I love you"

Grayson doing it :-)

Ann

2008-09-10T20:40:00.002-05:00

Had dinner with Ann tonight at Lia's (really yummy). Grayson walked all over the patio - I guess he is really there! I love seeing Ann. She is the best kind of client to have because she is really more like family now. She also loves Grayson to bits and its always great seeing family and friends that love your kid.

I wish I had a good picture from dinner but none came out very well.

More walking

2008-09-08T19:08:00.005-05:00

This weekend we completely rearranged the house and it looks soooooooooooo much better! I guess its a feng shui thing, but I actually feel better. We had our big sofas in the family room (because that's where the cable/tv is) but they blocked half the windows. So we literally switched the sofas (brought my leopard one in here) and my desk and it is now so sunny and open and reminds me of why we liked the layout of this house. Because we were so crammed in this room, I kept lamenting why oh why didn't we buy a smaller, *nicer* house (like with a new kitchen). But now that the family room is open again, and the living room is now very roomy and comfy and even the huge ugly couches look good in there - I remember how we liked the open, sunny space. I feel like I can breath a little better (because I gotta tell you, the housing market and Kevin's work is really making me feel like I can't breath ALOT of the time!)

Grayson is also walking more and more. He looks like a spaghetti noodle trying to stand vertical, wobbling back and forth before he takes his few steps and falls over. Today however, after dinner, he was walking all over the kitchen. We are only moments away from the real deal. I will miss crawling. He is a very cute crawler - like when he plays the tiger game of starting and stopping (teasing) or when he goes really fast (which is a lot of the time) and his fast crawl looks like a sped-up film version of crawling - - making "uhhhhhhhhh" noises the whole way.

And finally last night he slept through the night. Thank God! And I was able to make it back to the gym for a spin class this morning. But after two weeks being out, spin kicked my ass. Ugh! My whole body hurts. Going to be bed EARLY tonight.

Walking towards me this morning

Love

2008-09-06T18:47:00.004-05:00

Oh, I am so over the moon! Grayson woke from a nap today and I needed to change his diaper. So I carried him to the changing table and told him we needed to change his diaper. I asked him how he says diaper and he signed it to me. Then I gave him the diaper to hold and laid him on the table. As I took the diaper from him and prepared to change him, looking at him all goo-goo in the eyes like we always do, he crossed his arms across his chest, signing to me that he loved me! I was stunned and thrilled!!! Of course there were lots of kisses and love after that wonderful display of affection.

But wait! It gets better.

We read our bedtime stories - lots of books. In the mix tonight was a new book, a book of different words with lift-up flaps. One page is devoted to food and there was a picture of bananas - and he signed banana to me! Smarty-pants :-)

But wait! It gets better still....

After stories, we snuggled more than we usually do. I used to hold him over my shoulder and rock him but for a few months now, he hasn't wanted to do that. Tonight he did. So we cuddled and I told him over and over how much I loved him. Then I put him in his crib and he turned over on to his side and signed that he loved me again. Oh my! Words can not describe the feeling. Of course I signed it back and said it back and he said it to me and we did that back and forth a few times and pulled the blanket over him and it was so completely wonderful.

Makes all that food throwing off the tray worth it :-)

15-month appt and there's always something, isn't there?

2008-09-05T19:00:00.002-05:00

We had our doc appt today. The stats are:

Height - 31.5" (50%)

Weight - 24 lbs 1 oz (50%)

Head - 18.75 in (75%)

He is just perfect!

And I just love our doctor, Dr. Holstein. She's a peppy, talkative, outgoing Jewish mom with a 21 month old little girl and I could totally be friends with her. She listened to Grayson and did all her checking out stuff and then out of the blue, as if something had been bothering her, took out her stethoscope and listened to his heart again. This time with her eyes closed, concentrating very hard. I knew what she was listening for - our third time seeing her and she finally noticed it - Grayson's heart murmur. I told her I knew, that we had seen a cardiologist and he said it was a Stills Murmur and nothing to worry about and that I shouldn't even tell anyone about it. But she found it. And I have to confess that I felt that sense of worry creep back. She said okay and noted in his chart that he had been seen for it. It still makes me worry, but the cardiologist said it would be okay, it was just a musical heart. I like that description.

On the other hand though, Kevin and I noticed a soft little bump on Grayson's chest (like in the center, between his chest and stomach actually). It kind of looks like a thick raised vein. Turns out our little guy has a hernia!!! Her description of his hernia went like this:

"So if you look at the sixpack you have on your stomach - you know, the one that I have too - ha! I wish! You like that? Our sixpacks? Please. But anyway, lets say you and I *did* have fabulous sixpacks, and you know, you never know, its not too late - but if you look at a sixpack, there is a muscle going down the middle that holds the sixpack in place. That's where his hernia is."

She says this is fairly common. Some babies stomach muscles aren't fully strong yet and he must have strained himself. So we need to see another doctor and while the procedure is not complicated and its an easy fix, the idea of surgery is, of course, horrible.

What Kevin and Ginger do

2008-09-04T20:28:00.000-05:00

What Grayson does at 15-months

2008-09-04T11:20:00.007-05:00

Gosh! That little kid is so cute, I just can't take it. His 15-month appt is tomorrow and I want to be prepared for the doctor's questions. I was caught off guard last time when they asked me if he had any "words" - I was stumped because at the time all he said was "fan" and the nurse asking how many "words" he had made me feel like he was seriously lagging or something. Turns out they were just looking for various "sounds" (like I *guess* could be considered words - like nonsense drunken gobbily gook sounding words!!!) But now he has a few more and lots of sign language. I want to keep track for posterity:

Words:

* Fan (still his favorite!)

* UP! (started a few weeks ago - he gets the most mileage out of this one)

* Dog (started that in Gulf Shores)

* Cat (started this week, hard to understand but I get it)

* Mama (been saying it forever but still refuses to do me the honor)

* Dada (same as mama)

* Down (we are working on this one)

He also makes cat noises and has been for many months, but now he has added dog noises to his repetoire (thank you Maggie!) He also knows chicken as of last week. I say "bwok bwok" when we see chickens (we have been to a lot of farms lately) and the other night I gave him chicken and when I told him what it was, he said "bwok bwok"! So smart, my little guy.

And he parrots most everything. My favorite parroting is when I say to him: "All you do is talk talk talk talk talk!" And he says to me "ta' ta' ta'" with the same kind of inflection as me.

He also has lots and lots of other "words" but I have no idea what they are. He talks up a storm and we just pretend to understand. Its great!

He also knows lots of sign language and it's coming fast now so we really need to come up with more because we have little signed conversations now.

Sign Language:

* Water

* Milk

* Cheerios (he wishes he could live off of cheerios and fruit - and stay on the swing forever)

* Fruit

* All done

* More

* Banana

* Eat

* Bath

* Diaper

* Sleep

* Story (book) he knows but has not signed to me yet

* Cracker (knows this but we forget to use it)

The bath sign took me completely by surprise. I make it to him, but not all that often, and about two nights ago I mentioned taking a bath and he did the sign! Tonight at dinner, he told me when he was all done and then made the bath sign. I was so proud!

He also *really* walked tonight - across the family room, across the kitchen a few times, and a few times when I wasn't standing there encouraging him, so I think this means he's really got it. I suspect he will be running by the weekend.

And he is getting a little dramatic streak. He's started this thing where he throws himself on his hands and knees and hangs his head and makes a little whiny/moany sound. It makes me laugh. Then he'll do it a few times sitting there - hang his head and make that noise. But when I laugh he kinda looks up at me and starts to laugh too, so I think he is playing with me because when he started doing it, he would get my sympathetic attention. But I'm on to him now!

He is also very opinionated about what books he wants to read. Fortunately, he could look at books and have me read to him all day and I love that. Sometimes we sit on the floor (I have a bunch of books on a low shelf in the living room) and he will bring me books to read. At bedtime, we sit in a rocking chair and we have a stack of about 10 books. He reaches out and points to a book and if I pick the wrong one, he shoves it away. When I pick the right one, he settles his little body in my lap, leaning against my chest and ready to read.

He also dances and loves to swing. That kid would be in heaven if I could just leaving him swinging with a supply of cheerios, fruit, string cheese and Goodnight Gorilla (his favorite book right now.) Other favorites have been or are: Goodnight Moon (still the last book we read before he goes to bed), The Very Hungry Caterpillar, The Very Busy Spider. Brown Bear Brown Bear, The Doggie Counting Book and The Going To Bed Book, both by Sandra Boyton - love these books!, the Farm Animal Book (with flaps) and a bunch of the touch and feel books (farm animals, wild animals), Bunny and Me, and a little book with babies that has a different color for each page.

He also climbs up the stairs lickity split and still eats everything in sight.

Lonely but getting better?

2008-09-03T19:15:00.005-05:00

As much as I love Grayson and am very grateful for the flexibity I have with regard to working from home - I am getting really lonely. It's too quiet out here in Germantown (the recent police chase aside.) I take Grayson to the park next to our house and we are the *only* people there. We go for a walk and maybe see 3 or 4 people out (and that's pushing it.) It makes me feel sad. And with winter coming, well, I dread it. I get so depressed by February, it's horrible!

I do have a few nice neighbors I have met that stay home with their kids and I need to reach out to them more. They both know I work so they have asked me to let them know when I am available, and I appreciate their open offer, but sometimes I just never know how my day will go when Grayson is home. If I was back in DC, I would just pop Gray in the stroller or sling and take a walk to Tryst or Kalorama Park or whatever. Today for adventure, we drove a few miles up the road to a little strip mall with a Dairy Queen and shared an ice cream in a pretty lonely store in the middle of a parking lot. Yay.

But I did join a mom group and manage to get out and see a few of those moms today. And that was *great*! Of course, the park we met at was deserted but for us - and it was brutally hot - but it was so good to chat with other moms that live close by (one is even 41! Woo-hoo!) So I will keep up the mom group activities - try to do one at least every other week - and I will call my two neighbors. Maybe I just need to plan better.....

Taking the onions and potatoes for a walk in the family room

Deserted park. At least he likes to swing.

Sleep/Eat

2008-09-03T09:48:00.004-05:00

Grayson has a cold and is really struggling with sleeping. I don't think the two are really related, as he is still waking at 4am and seems to think it is time to get up, but now he doesn't feel good too. And oh how hard it is to resist that sobbing little boy with his hands reaching up for me! But we might have made a little progress. This morning instead of bringing him to bed, I got him to lay back down and brought my pillow and blanket in and slept on the floor next to the crib. That seemed to satisfy him, but only after he sat in the crib staring at me for god knows how long - as if he was thinking about it. Finally I was able to creep out at 5:30am.

Kevin then let me sleep a little and when Grayson got up (around 6am?) he brought him down and fed him breakfast. Grayson is really cute at meals. He knows he is not supposed to drop food or cups off the tray but he likes to tease. He will hold whatever it is over the side of the tray and stare me down, mischief dancing across his face. I shake my head and say noooooooo. He laughs and acts like he going to eat it and then hangs it off the front of the tray. I shake my head and say nooooooooooo and he laughs and eats it. Or offers it to me and when I lean over for it, he pops it in his mouth. Silly! But on occasion, he defies me and drops it over the edge. I always know a split second before he does it because his face changes from happy mischief to a concerned look of worry. Like he knows he's not supposed to do it but his hand is possessed and it's going to happen anyway. And then oops - over the edge it goes. And mommy makes a stern face saying NO! No dropping the food! Sometimes we work through it, in essence kissing and making up and back to playing but sometimes his sweet face clouds up and those lips begin to quiver. That is the saddest/cutest face ever! Amazing how it can be both at the same time.

Hammock kicked my ass

2008-09-01T09:39:00.002-05:00

Sunday we visited with Kevin's sister and husband in Harpers Ferry. It was Sponge's birthday and so a little birthday fun was needed.

It is so nice out there! Nothing really to report but one interesting little incident. They have a hammock on the deck that I really struggled to get into and nearly fell out of twice. So I gave it one more try. Sonya was standing next to it holding Grayson. The third try was a doozy - I completely flipped out of it, landing on my shoulder and face down on the deck. I probably let out a little yelp. But Grayson screamed. A scream that I have never heard him make - like he was terrified (as opposed to hurt, or tired, or demanding, etc.) He screamed and then began to cry and had the most terrified look on his face. I hopped up and we immediately soothed him, but I was really surprised by the incident. It was as if he knew I was hurt and he was scared. In a sick way, I was really touched and felt kind of good about it....he knows where he gets his bread and butter from :-)

On the way home, we drove through VA and passed a place I particularly liked:

Not in Germantown????

2008-08-30T19:17:00.006-05:00

So as I sit here typing this, there is a police helicopter hovering over my little townhouse in Germantown with its lights shining down in front of the house and all around, up and down our street. And circling. Around and around.

Kevin and Grayson and I were coming home from the DC Blues Festival in DC and we noticed there was a police car turning in front of us at the intersection right before our house. Then as we passed through the intersection, there was another stopped right before the turn on to our street. Strange, we thought. Then Kevin saw another crusing down an alley to our left. We pulled into our driveway and as Kevin was getting our stuff out and I was making Grayson giggle, two cops came by on foot with flashlights out (its dusk) and asked him if we had seen a black man in blue shorts. "No, we just got home," he said, "Is eveything okay?" I peered around and asked "what's going on? Is there something we should know about?" The response we got was "there are plenty of policemen around. But I would recommend that you stay inside."

Ummm, whataat? Oooookay.....

So now we are in, and the helicopter is circling and hovering and circling and hovering. *sigh* We are in freaking Germantown!!! In our pretty little suburban townhouse in our pretty perfectly manicured neighborhood! How does this happen? If this was in Adams Morgan or Mt. Pleasant, I wouldn't even blink. It would be white noise. But out here it feels so strangely surreal....then again, our friend Laura lives in a neighborhood not too far away and there was a botched daylight robbery about 2 monthes ago and the victim was found shot dead by the dumpsters. I guess this happens everywhere. But my addreneline is high! For there to be this many cops and this very persistant helicopter, all I can think is that something really bad happened.

Except sneaking out on the deck every now and then to see the helicopter, we are staying in doors. And I closed all the blinds.

Sorrow

2008-08-29T12:00:00.004-05:00

I am overwhemed with sadness. A close friend of mine just lost her baby. This friend can not catch a break. She has had such rough pregnancies. She had 1 or 2 miscarriages and then was diagnosed with some kind of disorder (I am not sure what it is) but she got pregnant again and had to give herself a shot in the stomach *every single day* of her pregnancy. Then her grandmother, to whom she was very close, got very ill and finally died. Then her mother had shingles. And she was working full-time in a very stressful job. It was awful. But she delivered a beautiful baby boy and all was good. So they did IVF a second time and all was going along fine (though she had to do the shots again.) She was approx 4 mos pregnant and then her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.

I received a call from her this morning (a message) - good news bad news. Her mother's surgery went well and it looks like they got everything. But she lost the baby.

I am stunned. People have miscarriages all the time in the first trimester - its awful but it happens alot and seems to be nature's way of saying "wait, not quite right, we need to try again" (unless there is an actual problem that can be diagnosed) - but to lose a baby at nearly 5 months! Omg. She was showing. She was well into her second trimester. She had to actually deliver a dead fetus and then follow it up with a D&C. I simply can not imagine the horror and pain and sorrow. From the sidelines any miscarriage is awful enough. But I can not imagine how she must be feeling. I am overwhelmed with grief for her.

She actually sounded surprisingly strong in her message. I guess she is taking solace that things look positive for her mother. I am hoping to talk to her real soon.

No sleep for the mommy

2008-08-29T10:00:00.003-05:00

What a rough night. Grayson would just not go to sleep! Maybe he is having a hard time aclimating to being back home, but jeez I am tired! He went to bed around 7:30 or 8 and then then woke-up 30 min later screaming. If we went up and pat him, he would go right back to sleep. But 5 min later he was back up. So up and down we went. The crying was just not normal - it was bloodcurdling screaming, as if he were in pain. If I thought he was just manipulating us for attention, I might not have gone up so often, but the cries were just dreadful and it was obvious he was trying to sleep. Maybe he is having some separation anxiety, though I thought we had already passed through this stage (it was brief). One time I pat him and he laid back down. I kept my hand on his back for a while, then took it away but stayed by the crib. After a min or two, he sat bolt upright looked around and started to scream. Then he saw me and keeled right back over. Poor thing. We finally had to let him cry for a bit on his own (not more than 10 min.)

Then at 4 am he was back up. We could see the cycle starting all over so after going in once or twice, I brought him into bed with us. Of course, he sat up excited to be playing in bed. Oh no, that was NOT going to fly. I took him promptly back to the crib and walked out, of course to the sound of his screaming. I gave him a few minutes and then got him again. And this time he knew mommy meant business. You better bet he laid in the bed between us quiet as a mouse - lol. I faked sleep but was happy to be horizontal at least. But the poor guy, after about 15 min he could just not contain himself. He started making little "a!" noises. It was like he couldn't control the energy but he was really trying and it was just seeping out of him. So he did that on and off for a bit, then asked for water. I rolled over, feeling a bit guilty. Then the "up!"s started. Followed by another "wahh wahh wahh" *sigh* So up we got at 4:45am. Now, I don't mind getting up early if I am going to the gym or get to relax and read the paper or write, but I was not in the mood to play. But we made the best of it. He was in a good mood at least. However, by 6:30 we stood over Kevin and told him that it was his turn. I went back to bed for a nap. And of course, then so did Grayson. Kevin gets all the luck!

Must. Get. To. The. Fan.

2008-08-28T20:28:00.004-05:00

Before we left the Hangout, Grayson had a mission to acomplish:

Ah! Nirvana! The Giant Fan on the Ceiling! This was actually *not* the end of the journey. He then proceded across the restaurant, on hands to knees, until he got to the couple you can see far in the back of the photo. He then sat on the floor and excitedly babbled to them and pointed at the fan. I guess he thinks we should all be as amazed as he is.

When we got back, Coman rewarded him for his travels with some Sammy Ray Davis glasses (actually, I just love this picture of Coman and wanted to get it in the blog.)

Back to the Redneck Riveria! (part 2)

2008-08-28T20:28:00.003-05:00

8/25 - We had sushi at the Sand something Key. On the water, lots of boats, great shops. We also gave Grayson a lemon - and he ate it! Happily. I'm telling you, that kid will eat anything.

Later JJ and I talked Coman into checking out the Hangout. He was pleasantly surprised. I mean really, what's not to like about sipping a cold beer in the cool shade of hot, sunny beach?

Grayson started to slip under the table.....

But wait! He hung on jus tlong enough to try and grab another sand covered ice cube....

But down again he went!

Mom to the resuce and he went right back to sucking sandy cubes

Clearly he wasn't too troubled about it all

We went home on 8/27, but first! After promising all week but not able to get up as early those crazy ladies, I joined Riley and Carolyn on their morning ride. They even scored me my very own red Huffy! So down Fort Morgan road we went a few miles to the gas station, where we played the quarter game. Seriously. This is part of their morning exercise routine. On the way back we stopped at a seriously scary fruit & veggie stand (only had tomatoes, honor system can to pay and the scariest looking shack next door you ever saw. Oh yeah, all down a skinny, beat up dirt road littered with tiny falling apart trailers and junk. The Alabama of your dreams!) But back in the neighborhood (nice neighborhood. I swear), we picked pears off of a pear tree (we think the owners are gone for the summer.)

Back to the Redneck Riviera! (part 1)

2008-08-28T09:47:00.001-05:00

Grayson and I went back to see JJ and Captain Co from August 19-27. I worked alot while I was there, but it was still a great time and we really go for the QT Grayson gets with them. And I get some too ;-) It really is nice down there, in all ways.

The flight down was pretty painless (and geez, it feels like it was so long ago now!). There were a bunch of guys on their way down to GA for boot camp. Then they were being deployed to *gulp* Iraq. I sat next to one of them, Mike, and he was just thrilled to pieces to have Grayson with us. He has a little girl the same age and I could tell was so happy to get as much baby time in as he could. He held Grayson alot and let him look out the window and it really made the flight nice for us. You would be surprised (or maybe not) at just how many people will let you struggle with baby in one arm and suitcase in the other or whatever, trying to just ignore you when it is painfully obvious that you need just a little help. And a trip alone with a baby on an airplane is simply impossible without relying on the kindness of stranger. It really is. Especially if you also have to carry a laptop.

8/20 - JJ had a doctor appt in Fairhope so Grayson and I tagged along. We walked around the neighborhood while we waited and stopped a cute little ice cream shop, where we chatted with some nice locals (though not too local, as one woman in particular I chatted with was originally from NJ!) I guess if I had to pick a theme for this week in Alabama, it would be "Don't judge a book by its cover." More on that later....

After our ice cream stop, the Captain took us to a lovely old hotel on the water where we stopped for a glass of wine and Grayson had his first golf lesson.

8/21 - Grayson took his first REAL steps! No foolin' now. This was the real deal. I have pictures to prove it.

8/22 - we did some dishes

And went to the beach. The water was oddly calm. The proverbial calm before the storm....Faye was making her way to the coast. One of our favorite spots is the Hangout and we met some nice folks there that had a sweet dog, Lille. We got a great shot of Lillie surprising Grayson with some licks.

8/23 - Captain Co and Grayson went for a walk in front of the house. Grayson loves to be outside, it doesn't matter where.

Later we had a little dinner party with the ladies and Judy had him going crazy

A little shaky shake

8/24 - Riley took me to one of her places on the beach and we spent most of the day at the pool. Jerri came down a little bit later with Grayson and Carolyn and we soaked up the sun. It was hard to believe that just the night before, the wind and rain from Faye were howling. But it changes on a dime down there. When Riley came to get me, she hustled me out of the house and into her sporty little kit car (no top) because it was raining. But we drove right out of it and into the sun a few minutes later at the beach! After a day in the sun, we went shopping, had fish tacos at Mud Bugs and made spa appointments for the next day (finally! a good hair cut I can afford!)

Brownies

2008-08-18T21:51:00.002-05:00

Today I made brownies and like any good mom, gave the spoon to Grayson. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!
It appears he likes brownies, like any good kid should.

Can't get the horror out of my ears!

2008-08-18T08:30:00.006-05:00

OMG - I am going to kill this kid. He has started whining the most GOD AWFUL F****** WHINE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE. It goes something like this (and without audio you will not get the full effect):

NeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee

eEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeee!!!!

Up and down up and down with the NNNNNnneeeeeeeeeees.

Please make it stop.

Slip 'n Slide

2008-08-17T21:50:00.004-05:00

Today my friend Jennifer had a birthday party for her 1-year old Bjorn. They had a slip n slide at the party and Grayson LOVED it!!! We could hardly keep him off it. He climbed and slipped and slid and had the time of his life, omg it was a riot. I'm so glad I got a little video too.

Star Light Star Bright

2008-08-16T21:49:00.001-05:00

Today daddy was a STAR! For real! Stella the Star

Comstar Credit Union, where he is placed through his employer, is a sponsor for the Frederick Keyes baseball team. The Keyes were having an event and requested Stella's presence. So like a good team player, Kevin volunteered. The funniest was after Kevin did his thing, he came up to us sitting in the seats and spoke to Grayson in costume. Grayson could hear his dad, but kept looking over his shoulder and over mine trying to find him. It was hilarious!

Then we went to Frederick to walk around and have dinner. It is so nice in downtown Frederick!!! Like Annapolis or Old Town. Much better than Georgetown. We stopped for dinner at a tapas place. As we were readying to leave we knew we would need to change Grayson's diaper. Having learned my lesson regarding preparation for this *before* getting to the bathroom, I looked down the back of his pants. HOLY CRAP!!! There was poop seeping over the top of his pants - on his clothes, on his back, on the high chair, ON THE FLOOR!!! omg. How could this happen???? This was going to be a two-person job. So we grabbed him and covered the high chair with a napkin and made a beeline for the ladies room. We tried to find a waiter but couldn't so we had to leave the table as it was (yuck - how embarressing.) After we got him cleaned up, we went back to the table to find the hostess and a busboy cleaning the table and floor. We apologized profusely and the hostess told us "It was all over the floor", ummm, ok, we know, we're sorry, what could we do about it? But she was nice and the busboy was nice and all was okay. On our way out we saw the waitress and told her what happened and that we were sorry and her response, "Oh, I had no idea. No big deal. The bus boy has to clean it up anyway."

Nice.

Cute

2008-08-14T21:44:00.000-05:00

8/13/08 - I taught Grayson to open his mouth to show me when he is done swallowing his food before I give him more. He is terrible about showing more and more in, so now we can check :-)

8/14 - playing under my desk. This started out cute but had an ugly ending.....don't worry. He survived.

Kevin's only trip to the pool

2008-08-10T21:38:00.000-05:00

We went to the pool today - Kevin's first time! Maybe the 4th or 5th time for Gray and me. Without him being able to walk, the pool was kinda tough this summer. As soon as we would get there, Grayson was either hungry or ready to nap. But we went. And damn if it wasn't freaking cold out! Well, not cold per se, but we have been having this gorgeous mid-70 degree weather and it made for a rather chilly pool visit. So we didn't last long. But long enough to get a photo of Grayson crawling the water! He would've kept going if Kevin didn't grab him.

Doing the crab crawl

Cousin It

2008-08-08T09:47:00.003-05:00

Cousin It is living in the corner of my shower stall.

I am losing so much hair and I don't know why. Not like the way I lost it in Oct of 2005 - when I had that huge bald spot on top of my head - but just losing it from all over. Its too much, whatever it is. I need to go back to the dermatoligist.

Bjorn, walking & talking

2008-08-04T22:01:00.005-05:00

Lots of milestones coming up! I can feel it.

On Friday, 8/1, we visited with Jennifer and Bjorn and OMG that cute little boy is walking (ok, wobbling like Frankenstein) all over the place! So cute and with his little spiky hair cut. Grayson and Bjorn have not seen each other since Gray was about four mos old (Bjorn is two mos younger.) They played together really well, with Bjorn often hugging Grayson (or was that using Grayson as a handrail so he could stand-up?) and Grayson swatting at Bjorn (or was he petting Bjorn?) Who knows. They got along great and nary a tear was shed so all was good as far as we were concerned. And Jennifer is pregnant again! (Along with a bunch of other chicas: Liz, Jen K., Jennifer S., Lea, Maria, Linda, Tammy....)

We had a nice visit and all had dinner together, inc Peter (we were only missing Kevin). Then Grayson signed "all done" after he ate dinner! It was SO CUTE! Now he does it when he is done with something (like maybe he doesn't want anymore whatever) so I think he is really getting it. But every now and then he will do it in the middle of the meal and confuse me, but for the most part, he seems to have it. It has only been 3 days. However, today Grayson signed cereal (for the Cheerios) - this signing stuff is great! I have been working on cereal for a while and he always looks at the can of Cheerios when I say it and make the sign, so today he put it all together. Good timing too because we to the bookstore today and I got a pocket sign dictionary. So at dinner I started teaching him cracker (rubbing your elbow) and peanut butter (for the PB&J sandwiches he loves.) That sign is pulling your thumb back from your teeth (like u have PB stuck). I did it a few times and then licked my finger (bc I had PB on it, of course!) and as he watched me avidly, he sucked his finger too. Oy! But he is learning.

He is also learning what no means and shaking his head at me now and then. I hate to have to use that word, but now it has become necessary. He likes to stand in the bathtub and it is so dangerous. I yell NO very loudly and SIT DOWN. He knows what it means but is definitely thinking about challenging me.

Today he also took a few little steps to me in the kitchen! Kevin was there to see so he was glad about that. He didn't do it again but he walked back and forth all over the house pushing his Mickey Mouse Airplane rider/walker. He loves that thing! He leans over to get the propeller going and then walks until he walks into something (and then cries for me to get him unstuck. I am trying to teach him how to back up. I want him to learn that he can do it on his own but it is still kinda hard to know how much to help. I tried to help him back up by moving him backwards, as opposed to just pushing the toy around for him.)

I also caught him "talking" on his cell phone today. Oh god was that cute! He was facing away from me on the floor and pushing the buttons on his toy phone. Then he held it up (kind of over his shoulder, near his ear) and said "blahblahblah!". He did this over and over and I was sinmply swooning, it was so sweet. Of course, he still prefers mommy's phone to all toys.

Old McDonald

2008-08-03T21:30:00.004-05:00

Oh I could have killed Kevin this morning. As I was getting ready in the bathroom, Kevin left Grayson on the middle of the bed and left the room to lock the baby gate. Left the room???? So there was a big crash and I came running out to see my little baby face down on the floor. WAILING. Poor thing. He was fine, but his nose and above his mouth was very red and his nose actually bled a little. And the red on his nose turned to a scrape (carpet burn.)

So after Kevin and I boo-hooed about Grayson's boo boo, we headed out for South Mountain Creamery, where we have been buying organic milk, yogurt, eggs and chicken. They deliver to us every Friday - glass milk bottles and everything. Its great!!!

Grayson meets his milk.

Milk delivery trucks in the background

Poop Breath

2008-07-09T09:47:00.003-05:00

So there I am, standing at the kitchen sick washing some dishes. Grayson has had lunch and just had a poopy diaper changed. He is now playing quietly in the living room. I look up and oh, there's my little guy now, he's standing at the window by the kitchen table. But wait, what's that brown stuff on the window sill? And what's that brown stuff coming out of his mouth? OMG - is he throwing up blood? I rush over and bend down, inspecting his mouth, the sill, the brown stuff in his hand...doesn't look like vomit. But wait - that smell! Poop???!!?? I look down the back of his diaper - no, nothing there. How could this be poop? I am in complete disbelief. But that smell....OMG! It *is* poop! I have no idea how, but we DO have a cat! But this cat has never pooped out of the liter box - but it is DEFINITELY poop! OMG! I am FREAKING OUT! Well, I tried to stay calm to not freak Grayson out too much, but I scooped him up and under my arm and stuck my hand in his mouth scrapping out what I could and at the same time stuck his poor little head under the faucet, splashing water into his mouth, reaching into his mouth, and yelling at him "spit it out! spit it out!" Poor kid just looked completely shocked. He cried a little, but only because I think he was scared. The poop itself did not really seem to bother him. As a matter of fact, when I ran over to him - and his was chomping away - he just looked rather puzzled - more like, what the heck is this? It is has such a strange consistency....OMG! I am STILL completely grossed out!!! (And I am actually writing this post in August!)

After getting out all I could, Grayson happily crawled away and I went on a quick inspection of the living room. Sure enough, under the buffet near where Grayson's toy corner is, I found a few turds. Shaking, I called Posion Control. Our conversation went like this:

Me - My baby just ate cat poop! Like a lot I think!

PC - did he swallow it?

Me - yes, I am pretty sure. There was alot.

PC - is it your cat?

Me - yes

PC - is it an indoor cat?

Me - yes

PC - is it a relatively healthy cat?

Me - yes

PC - we get this call all the time. Your baby will be fine.

Me - really?

PC - yes. This was much harder on you than on the baby. Keep an eye on him for the next 24 hours, but it is very rare that he would get sick.

Oooooooookay. And they were right, he was fine. With the exception of some *very* nasty smelling belches throughout the day, he was fine. And he was happy because he got a bath in the middle of the day!

I, however, am still grossed out. I will NEVER forget that smell. But boy oh boy do I have a good story to tell his girlfriends! He better watch his P&Q's when he's older if he doesn't want me to tell! :-)

Grayson's first camping adventure

2008-07-05T21:01:00.012-05:00

I love to camp - especially at Assateague National Seashore. Yes, the mosquitos and horseflies suck, but I still love it. The longer the better. There is something about being outside the whole time, being at the mercy of the elements and feeling like a part of the earth. I just love it. Kevin.....well, he really tries and has become quite a good camper since we started dating. Since we had not been for two years (two years ago, I am not sure why we didn't go but last year was bc Grayson was just born.) So we thought we might as well try now that Gray was bigger.

Of course, we were late getting on the road. Because we were going to get there too late to both set-up the tent and eat while it was still light out, we stopped at Applebees to grab a bite and feed Grayson dinner. Before we got back on the road, I grabbed a diaper and some wipes and took Grayson to check his diaper. Had I checked it *before* I got to the bathroom, I would have seen that he had taken THE BIGGEST POOP EVER. So bad that when I laid him down and went to take off his shorts, there was poop all over his clothes and it got all over the changing table, including the diaper I brought with me. So there we are - I am trying to clean Grayson up, clean up the changing table, and little pieces of poop are falling on the floor. What the f***? So I clean up what I can, but I can't hold on to Grayson at the same time. But I now have no diaper and no clothes for him. But the changing table is a wreck. So I had to (yuck) just put him on the floor of the ladies room while I cleaned up the table! Ewwww! So there's my cute little happy baby crawling all over the dirty tile floor. And we are on our way to a campsite. With only cold water outside showers. Great. So I cleaned everything up, prayed that no one came into the bathroom and stepped on him, and tried to keep him away from the door. Then I carried my naked little boy through the whole restaurant to find Kevin.

Finally, we get to the campsite. And I was so pissed! The reservation system is different now and we were supposed to have a walk-in tent site. But they gave us a site that had cars and RV's - like the ones with generators! Ewwww! I don't go camping at a mosquito infested campsite to listen to the soothing sound of generators. Its the ocean roar and privacy and beauty of the beach that makes it all worth it. But no. And to top it off, we were next to the giant trash dumpster. Then Kevin goes ahead and unpacks the entire car - when I had asked that he only get what we need for the night (because it was dark and Grayson was both crying and trying to sleep in the car.) So fine. We played a little cards and then went to sleep. Only to wake at 12:30am to the growl of THUNDER! And lightning. LOTS of lightning. And oh look now, rain too. Swell. So now Kevin and I had to load the entire car again. But then it stopped raining - thank god! So we went back to bed. And Grayson never woke-up.

The next day was beautiful. We had coffee and I made eggs and turkey bacon and Grayson sat in his highchair eating and drinking out of a water bottle and pouring water all over himself. He could not have been happier. Our Ikea highchair was perfect for this trip too (since he's not walking yet) and because it is just hard plastic and comes apart. It can't get dirty or wet - you just hose it off. (I sometimes put Grayson on the deck in it with nothing but a diaper on and let him play with a water bottle and use the tray as a water table for him splash around with.)

We spent most of the day at the beach - the weather was perfect. We had dinner out and a peaceful night and then decided to pack up on Sunday and spend the day in Ocean City. It was very hot but we walked and ate bought a really neat spnner thing with rainbows, etc that Grayson loves to watch. We will put it on our deck. On our way home, something didn't seem quite right with Grayson. He was blinking his eyes alot and sleeping more than usual. I felt something was wrong but couldn't put my finger on it. Then it started to POUR down rain - the kind that is hard to drive in - so we pulled over in Kent Narrows and went to a little restaurant we know. Once I had Gray in my arms, I could tell there was definitely something wrong with him. He was crying on and off and his eyes were horribly red and puffy and he was keeping them closed alot and blanking hard and rubbing them. We thought maybe he was having an allergic reaction to something. The staff at the restaurant was so nice and gave us recommendations for clinics, even calling ahead for us. Fortunately, there was one really close. And in the end, it turned out to just be suntan lotion in his eyes! The nurse told us that the two most common walk-ins they get are lotion in the eyes and fishing hooks in the skin! Yeech! So we stayted for about an hour and Grayson had his eyes flushed twice. Now he is good as new.

Gotta work out all that sand he ate!

Almost a step forward

2008-07-05T20:58:00.005-05:00

After trying to drink one of daddy's beers this morning, Grayson got to see his friend Ryan today (my friend Nicole's son). He had a good time playing with the other kids (well, trying to stay out of their way really, as most of them were at least 6 months older, which really is a big difference right now, especially since Grayson doesn't yet walk) BUT! Grayson let go of the bean bag chair he was holding on to and stood the longest he has ever stood. Then he turned his body at the waist while still standing no hands and tried to take a step forward! Whoa! This was completely unexpected. He fell over but we were all quite impressed and I do believe he was a bit proud of himself.

Another Birthday Party

2008-06-25T09:13:00.004-05:00

Saturday we had a family bbq to celebrate Grayson's birthday again. Gerry made fabulous brined chicken and Uncle Rick roasted the best veggies I have ever had. Grayson loves roasted veggies (especially eggplant and zuchinni) and chicken, so it was a perfect meal for him. Catherine came too and gave Gray the sweetest lion raincoat. I hope he can wear it this fall! We also had ice cream cake - rum raison yum! - and Grayson had a blast digging his hands into it and eating chunks of ice cream and cake. At one point I had to fish a huge piece of cake out of his mouth and he was not happy about it. But apparently he ate alot of it, since his poop the next day was faintly blusish green - as was his skin (face and arms), covered in blue icing (that faded to green when soaked into skin) and his poor little legs, green from his shots! He would have made a good character in a Dr. Seuss book!

What Grayson is doing when he is supposed to be sleeping

2008-06-19T21:09:00.003-05:00

Look ma, no hands! See how I can play in my crib when I am supposed to be sleeping? Of course, I was all tears until you came to see me.......

One year doc appt

2008-06-18T09:12:00.002-05:00

Grayson had his one year appt on 6/18 (just two weeks late.) He weighs 22.9 oz and is 29.5" tall (though I think the nurse measured him a little short). This actually registers in the 50% zone. Head was 17.5. (but a big head in the 70th% - haha!) Seems weird that he is only 50% because he seems so big (not just to me) but I don't care. I think he is perfect. I only look at the % to get an idea of what his weight/height means because I have nothing to compare to to see how he is doing. And he is doing fine! Picture perfect. He also walked across the room using the stool! He has been crusing for a while, but this was the first time I have seen him move across the floor like that. I got him to do it again and took video (such a dork, I know.) Later he did the same thing at home with a chair. He also loves to do the "look ma! no hands!" routine. He can stand for at least 5 seconds on his own. Such a big boy now :-)

Earlier today.....................

Sign Language

2008-06-16T21:01:00.001-05:00

Grayson started speaking sign-language to us! I have been showing him water and milk for a while and then he just started doing it! It is sooooooooooo cute! But when he really wants water, he makes the sign (putting his fingers to his mouth with his hand and saying "waaaaaaa") and gets wound up saying it more and more frantically until I can get it to him. It's so much better than frustrated crying but I can also see in his ask for water, as he gets louder and more crazed for it, how it would be crying if he did not know to sign for it. He really loves water, which is fine by me as he only drinks milk and water. We have not yet given him juice and I am going to hold off as long as possible. I need to learn more signs too, as I dont really know how to teach him the concept signs (like "more" or to "eat"). He really needs a sign for cottage cheese. And at his meals, he gets frustrated because he wants a bite of this, then a bite of that, then another bite of that, then one of this, then that, then this, then this again - and SHEESH! I mean, I guess that is how we eat too, but he doesn't know how to convey it to us so sometimes meals are made up of a lot of grunting and crying. Which can be quite tiresome. Hence the need for a new sign language book......

Father's Day

2008-06-15T22:04:00.003-05:00

Kevin really is a great dad. He does anything I ask and lets me sleep in the mornings, taking Grayson downstairs and starting coffee. He also changes diapers without complaining.

For father's day, we kept it lowkey. Grayson and dad did boy bonding things like chewing on the screwdriver and building a desk. I made Kevin bbq ribs on the grill.

We love the Redneck Riviera!

2008-06-15T21:27:00.000-05:00

Grayson and I spent 5/26 - 6/10 in Gulf Shores, AL (Redneck Riviera!) with Kevin's parents, who I just completely adore. We had the best time and I wish we were still there. He has so *many* grandparents down there! Besides JJ & Captain co, there is Sugar & Papa (Pat & Bob), Kathy & PawPaw (I forget Kathy's name but it is something cute and southern too & Roger), RahRah & Lee (Riley & Lee) and a whole bunch of other close family friends that just want to gobble Grayson up.

JJ and Captain Co (not to be outdone by his friend who is "The Admiral" to his grandchildren....)are just the greatest with Grayson - like the kind of grandparents you only see in the movies. As a matter of fact, when we got the airport in Pensacola, it was all hugs-and-kisses-and-happy-to-see-each-other-and-let-me-hold-the-baby-and-oh-take-our-picture! So much so that a woman (with kids of her own) stopped us to tell JJ and Co how completely sweet and wonderful she thought they were and that she had been watching them and it was just a delight to see them interacting with their grandchild. It was very kind of her to say (also made me wonder if she was relating happily or wistfully) and gave me an extra shot of gratitude.

I actually worked the first week we were there but I was able to mostly be on vacation the next. And it was a perfect vacation. The first few days were a little rough - Grayson cried in the bath, had a little trouble going to sleep and woke at the crack of dawn (like 5am!) But then he settled right in. I mean, whats a kid not to love? Total attention and adoration and a ceiling fan (or two) in every room. He is obsessed with them! Knows the buttons to push to turn them on and off (and is so cute twisting his head around from the switch to the fan the switch to the fan) to see it turn on (and off and on and off). He even started saying "Fa" - his first actual word. Seriously. He is being kinda flakey about momma/dadda so I am counting Fa as his first word, since there is no doubt what he means when he says it. He even charged on all fours into JJ and Co's bedroom muttering Fa! Fa! Fa! the whole way. And for me, I would play with Grayson until JJ or Co got up (around 6:30) and then they would let me go back to bed. HEAVEN!

The rest of the trip was spent playing in friend's swimming pools (ok, and like 3 days trying to find me a bathing suit - yuck) and going to the beach. They live less than 2 miles from the white sand! I also daydreamed quite a bit about living down there. The prices and houses are ridiculous! Maybe one day.

Grayson also turned one while we were there and we had a little bbq birthday party for him (on 6/1). We went to the beach earlier in the day (his first time ever!) and had the party at 4:30ish. It was probably a little late to him, since it was 5:30 on East Coast time, and I could tell he was nearly beat by the time we had cake. He didn't really like it but being as good as he is, he humored us and even tried to feed me some.

On the grown-up side of things, the Obama/Clinton speeches were on the news all the time and Obama locked up the nomination. It was very exciting and all this history on Grayson's birthday!

We had a really hard time coming back. Literally. We had a 4:30pm flight out of Pensacola that was delayed for two hours, causing us to miss our connecting flight in Houston (which was a drag anyway, having to go there first to get home.) Then our 8:30pm flight was delayed until 9:40pm. Then they grounded our plane. Turns out something *hit* the plane in the air on the way to Houston, causing bodily damage to it. The next plane was not in until 12:30am. Grayson was a champ up until about 10:30pm or so. Then he started to lose it. Some serious singing and rocking finally got him to fall asleep around 11:15pm and I tucked him under the seats. We boarded around 12:30am, he slept until 2:15am and then cuddled in my lap and looked out the window with me at the lightning flashes in the sky. We landed around 3:30am. Did not crawl into bed until a bit after 5am. Then I left the next afternoon for NY for two days. Whew! I was seriously wiped out.

Basil

2008-06-01T11:07:00.006-05:00

So much has happened in the past few days....I spent the whole day packing Sunday, as we had to leave not a minute past 6am for an 8am flight out of National (I will *never* call it Reagan airport!) and I wanted to be sure Grayson had everything he would need, especially for the flight. But Saturday night Basil began to act very strange - like he was lost. Wondering around the perimeter of the room and crying out. He couldn't get up and down the stairs very well and I carried him to the liter box where he proceeded to poop next to it (which he has been doing for some time now, he cant seem to get into it and we have one that is very low in the front.) Sunday he seemed better. Then he got bad again. I feel terrible we didn't take him to the vet, but everything was closed and I was frantic to pack for Grayson and we were going to Gulf Shores for more than two weeks (then the next day after we get home, I turn around and go to New York for 2 days and nights.) We hoped that if he could just make it to Monday - even though it was Memorial Day - we could then call Dr. Pearl (he makes house calls) and see what he thinks. Monday morning he was very, very sick. It was awful. He was laying at the bottom on of the steps and I hugged and pet him goodbye. When I spoke to Kevin next from GS, he said Basil seemed even worse - that he had not moved and his breathing seemed slowed. I called Dr. Pearl right away. He was on the road on the way back from a family vacation but we juggled calls between the three of us and Kevin was able to get Basil stabilized a little with karo syrup. I think he was going into a hypoglycemic coma. We probably had given him an insulin shot when he had not eaten and made him worse. The next day he was not much better and Dr. Pearl said it would be best to put him down. It was so sad. Basil is old (close to 17) and has been diabetic for more than four years. I know he has lived a very good life - I have loved those cats like my own babies. I got them when I was 23, so they really were my babies. But I still did not think Basil would go so quickly. Or that I would not be there, for him to pass into the next world while in my arms. Dr. Pearl said he was not aware, but I still felt (feel) terrible about it and wonder if we could have done anything to prevent this. And poor Kevin had to take him to animal control to put him down by himself. I know he showed Basil lots of love and care while he did this, so I am grateful. Maybe it was better that I wasn't there to see what bad shape he was in (Kevin said he had begun to drool :-(

Basil will always be my first main man.

I've heard of bedtime monsters - but bathtime monsters?

2008-05-25T21:51:00.001-05:00

Look how cute our cutie is. He looooves his bath!

But lately there has beem some bath drama.....he seems to be afraid of the big, bad bath dragon-monster!!!

Make no mistake - I *will* be blackmailing him with these photos one day.

But once we hid the big bad dragon, we were back to fun as usual in the tub!

(First he had to check for it)

The coast is clear :-)

Mouth or table

2008-05-24T15:37:00.003-05:00

Today we took Grayson for lunch at Buca de Bepo. It was our last real day to all do something together before Gray and I leave for Gulf Shores to spend two weeks with JJ and Captain Co. Grayson is getting so smart, you can really see him trying to put things together now. For example, we are trying to teach him to not throw everything on the ground and while this is a losing battle, sometimes he surprises me. Like today, we repeatedly showed him with the cracker that it goes "in your mouth or on the table, in your mouth or on the table" - and he actually did it! He put the cracker on the table when he did not want it and picked it up when he did. Of course, it went on the floor a few times towards the end of lunch, but for the most part, it stayed where it was supposed to. We were really quite impressed.

Of course, we are still firm believers in the 5-second rule.

Entering the Monster Phase aka War Zone

2008-05-23T18:47:00.004-05:00

We've arrived. I had warnings about this phase. And now here it is.

OY! Oy oy oy!

Grayson is just into EVERYTHING! He is hands and knees crawling and cruising everywhere. This morning Kevin said he was trying to turn the knobs on the stove, then nearly tripped over the broiler he had pulled out and would have hit his head on the drawer that was open. The same drawer he slammed his finger in yesterday (the poor kid, he sat on my lap wailing, holding and examing his little red thumb. Five minutes later he was chasing Ginger screaming his version of "meow!")

Seriously, I can not keep my hands on this little guy. He wants to pull apart and put in his mouth everything. Eating a box of Kleenex seems to be a favorite. He is usually pretty good and sticks to his toys, but if I am on the phone or trying to do something, nuh-uh. He wants whatever mommy has (or whatever mommy wants him to stay away from.) This includes eating. He no longer wants to eat what I feed him unless it is off his tray that he can feed himself or out of my bowl. So when we eat oatmeal, I have to put his on one side of my bowl and mine on the other to trick him into thinking he is eating my oatmeal (sometimes we do eat the same oatmeal, but I don't put sugar in his. He doesn't know what sugar is, so he isn't missing it!)

Speaking of kleenex though, I think he has Roseolla again. He had a fever last Friday so I took him to the doc. Nothing to worry about they said. He's had that icky wet cough all week though and a runny nose. He is getting better about letting me wipe it and using the saline. I am also teaching him to blow out his nose - it's hit or miss - but he seems to try when he sees the kleenex, just not yet when the kleenex is *at* his nose. Then yesterday he broke out in a rash on his cheek for a few hours. He also seems to get headaches and pounds his head with his fist. A little motrin seems to help.

He is also still biting and scratching, and just generally acting like a mad man. These come in little fits and then he settles down. But he is also getting more cuddly and he definitely knows who momma is! Kevin is my witness. I was laying on the sofa, Grayson was sitting up on me and Kevin was sitting across from us. I asked him "who's momma?" and he turned and buried his head in my chest - mulitple times! Then we all clapped about it. We can play like this with him for a long time. He also seems to be directing saying momma at me now and then. We are working on Dada, just not entirely sure if he knows yet that Dada = Kevin. But he knows "cat", "ball" and "water". When eating, I ask him if he wants water and I make the sign and he looks right at his water. He is also still a FREAK for the ceiling fan (we think this started when he first saw one, and it lured him to sleep, as Sonya's house.)

He also knows that the cell phone talks and is interactive. I was talking to JJ on the phone and Grayson grunted at me. I put the phone to his ear and he stared happily at me, clearly listening and then made little noises to the phone. So JJ and Grayson actually had their first real phone conversation today. And he must have had a lot to tell her because every time I took the phone back, he grunted forcefully and waved his little fists until I put the phone back to his ear so he could talk some more.

Also, Kevin thinks Grayson looks like me. We took him to the park and he looooves swinging. But after a while, Kevin said he thought he looked nauseous. So we took him out and sure enough, he threw up on me. When I asked Kevin how he could see that coming, he said "I've seen that look on his mother" (yikes!) So we agreed that Grayson looks like Kevin until he opens his mouth or makes expressions and then he looks like me. I guess he does spend 90% of his awake hours with me.

Momma and the New Bedtime Routine

2008-05-22T19:03:00.003-05:00

We used to be able to have a bath, play on the bed with Ginger, get a little massage, put diaper & PJs on, read some stories in the chair, and lay down in the crib. Not so easy anymore.

First, he stands at the end of the crib and cries a blood-curdling-almost-going-to-vomit-tears-streaming-down-his-face cry. So I go and pick him up and he puts his head on my shoulder and gets real sleepy. In the past, on the few occasions that he cried, I could put him down after doing this. Now, for the past week, he plays this little game - he takes his paci out and puts it in my mouth. He thinks this is really funny. I let him do this a few times and then put him down. Then repeat crying, picking up, paci game, put down to sleep 2 or 3 times. Last night and tonight, he took the paci out, put it in my mouth and then rested his head against my cheek or shoulder and tried to sleep on me while holding the paci in my mouth, like he wanted to sleep with me and was offering me comfort. So sweet! Then another time tonight after I got him down (we've been thru this a few times this evening) he was on his back in the crib, playing with his cat while I stroked his hair and he put the cat to the side and took my hand and cuddled my hand like he was going to sleep with it. So sweet!!!

But the best part - before bed tonight - I think he called me momma and actually meant it! He has been saying momma and dada for a long time but I was never really sure if he actually knew what he was saying, even if he laughed when I tried to point out that I was momma. This evening, playing before bath time, he was looking at me and saying momma and somehow it was just different. Then I asked him "where's momma?", which we often play with the towel and he pulls it down like he knows its me (and of course we play "where's Grayson?") but when I asked him this time, and there was no towel, he grinned and clutched at me and buried his head in my neck. We did this a few times and I think he really knows. I pointed out the cat and repeated cat several times, and he definitely knows that word, then I pointed to him to show him Grayson, and he definitely knows his name, and then told him again that I was momma and I got the same gleeful response. So we will try again tomorrow and see if he remembers :-)

Meowing, Standing, Biting & a few Funny Faces

2008-05-21T19:42:00.010-05:00

So cute, he just meows all the time now when he see the cats! Or does whatever you want to call that high-pitched squeeky little noise he makes - there are a few of them and it is obvious that he is trying to communicate with the cats. I cant wait to get him around Maggie at JJ and Captain Co's house to see if we can get him to bark next. We read his Counting Doggies book every night so it will be interesting to see if he makes the connection between the doggies in the book and the one that will be licking his face.

Grayson is also getting much more assertive about letting go when he stands up and he was cruising around the coffee table today. He has cruised a little before, but today was full-on, going around the corner and everything. He also tried to walk around the dining room table, which was a little awkward, considering the table is taller than him, so all I could see were these little fingers trying to make their way around the edge. Then he got stuck and did not know how to sit himself down or let go. He also started to climb the stairs today. He got up one (with a little help) then decided that would be a good place to stand and let go. Looks like we better get more baby gates.....

I have been able to take showers by putting him in our soaking tub with a bunch of toys and using it as a playpen. But today, somewhere between the shampoo and conditioner, he managed to stand in the tub. This would not be so bad if I was prepared for it, but standing meant that he could reach all my little glass soaking and aromatherapy oils, some breakable and some swallowable. But twice as he reached, I bellowed a firm "no" and he definitely understood. And seemed to be fine with it. I am pleased about that and a few rounds of "Eentsy Weentsy Spider" bought me enough time to finish up and keep him from crying about the fact that he had nothing to hold on to to help him sit back down (again).

Now if I could only get him to understand "no" when he bites me on the shoulder. He started that a week or two ago. The only thing that has worked so far is to pop him across the mouth with two fingers and say a firm "NO!" Not hard, but hard enough to make a point that he is hurting me with his mouth. I know it is an impulse for him and that his teeth likely hurt (he has 4 on top and 4 on bottom and is getting some others) but I am worried about him biting kids in daycare. He has already bitten one kid. Not hard, and I like to refer to it as "tasting" the other kids, but I want to nip (no pun intended) this in the bud!

Funny Face

Ready for a nap

First Strawberry

How Grayson spent our Two-Year wedding anniversary today

2008-05-20T20:04:00.003-05:00

This morning, when I went to get Grayson out of his crib, Basil followed me into his room and Grayson proceeded to meow meow meow away at him! Now, I have been working on this with Grayson for a while, trying to get him to meow. And he does it sometimes with me and Ginger (Ginger is very vocal) but this was completely unsolicited. It was SO CUTE! I wish I could tape what he sounds like. He has two or three little cat sounds. Awesome.

And then when I brought Grayson into bed for a few minutes after the meowing, he surprised me by letting go of my legs (I was laying on my side) and standing completely by himself - for a few seconds! I think this counts as a big day :-)

He also went to daycare today, and they must really wear him out there. Sometimes he is soooo tired. Tonight was one of those nights. We went to the park and played on the swings for a while (he loves to swing!) and then played with some toys and read some books (Brown Bear, Brown Bear and the Touch & Feel Farm are some play time favs.) He was obviously getting sleepy so we went to take a bath. All was fine until I put the little boat in the water with the pull string that makes it putter around in the water. First it was a look of great concern when I put the boat in the water, then crying and fear when I pulled the string! It was the same look that he gives the vacuum cleaner!!! I tried again, but he was not having it. I had to hide the boat from him. So we played with the balls for a while and then I brought the boat out again. Nope. It must be the noise. Whatever it is, its pretty funny. So we went to the bedroom for out little routine of playing at the end of the bed on the footrail and then a massage, diaper and PJ's. But as soon as he got the footboard, he looked at me and cried. So I knew he was VERY tired. He then cried all the way through getting dressed and I knew it was an emergency situation. We hurried to the rocking chair for our stories.....and I swear, as much as he settled in to hear his bedtime books (Counting Doggies, The Hungry Caterpillar and Goodnight Moon) I honestly think some nights he must think the books are more for me than for him. He made me read very fast by turning the pages very quickly, as if to say "yeah, yeah mom....come on and hurry it up here with the books, I'm f***ing tired!!!")

So then we cuddled and he fell asleep in my arms. God I love that little mad so!

What else?

2008-05-20T18:44:00.010-05:00

I feel like I need to back date stuff...and I want to add pics because there are so many cute ones! But I will try to keep this brief.

4/12 - he is a really good eater now

He is also now a very good crawler - and boy is Ginger tolerant!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WT5PR5tdXb0

We recently went to a baseball game! Here is a pic from 5/4/08

And here is one from 8/4/07, exactly nine months ago

He loves to ride on his Rody Horse (5/8/08)

5/9 - he puts everything in his mouth (this is from the shape-sorter, which is getting good at if I show him which hole is the right one. And I dont mean his mouth....)

And he sleeps like an angel (we went to a magic show and Grayson fell asleep on me, then laid on the floor and we stayed out until - wait for it -*10pm* (GASP!)

5/10 - he is excellent at pulling himself up. Can pull up on ANYTHING! Here he is getting into his toys (not a tough one, but very handy for him and great for us, as he plays so much more independantly now. When he wants me to play with him, he just grunts and cries a little for me.)

such a little ham! he really poses, doesn't he?

Bad Mommy - but see how much we look alike now?

2008-05-20T18:25:00.007-05:00

Wow, I have been out of it....hard to keep up the blog. And dont even ask about a baby book. I feel so guilty...I mean, I have one....I keep telling myself that one day I will scroll through this blog and transfer the big to the book. I will. I swear.

So what has been happening lately???? Gotta write it before I forget it!

Update on the vaccum cleaner: he still trembles a little but not as badly. We have practicing petting and making nice with it. Here are some pics from 5/8/08. See how well they are getting along?

And you like that tongue picture? Is he my kid or what? Here is another tongue photo from 5/3 (I would include one of myself, but they are all rather, errr, incriminating....)

Wait - I found one. From the wedding. See the resemblance now?

Sarah & Ryker

2008-05-17T19:55:00.002-05:00

Sarah and Ryker came over to play and we went to Great Seneca State Park - a very pretty park about 2 miles from our house with a lake and paddle boats and big playground. We need to grow into the park though (no baby swings).

Ryker is about 3 weeks younger than Grayson and really ready to walk - like any minute now! He was even climbing up the stairs! But don't worry JJ, he is not yet eating much solid food or holding a bottle by himself too much and I can barely feed Grayson any more, he wants to feed himself so badly. All kids develop diferently and at different paces. I tend to believe they can only concentrate on one or two things at a time and I actually really enjoy seeing what the other kids are focusing on. Things to look forward to!

Sarah has this cool tent that they use a pack and play and all around travel/bed/fun house for Ryker.

Look how cute Ryker is standing! He was VERY proud of himself.

Mother's Day (5/11/08)

2008-05-12T19:33:00.000-05:00

Kevin made me pancakes with a number one candle on it - it was very sweet.

After breakfast, we went to Georgetown for a walking tour. It was interesting. I never knew that Chagal had done some tile work in someone's yard or which house the Kennedys lived in. It was this one:

Of course there is the obligatory tour of the Exorcist stairs....

And we had our own little exorcist baby on our hands when Grayson threw up this piece of bread (and everything else) that he is stuffing into his mouth in its entirety (at our favorite Ethiopian restarant, Dukem in DC)

Then we stopped for a coffee in Adams Morgon and tried to take a few pics, which of course are horrible of me and Grayson but just perfect of Kevin and Grayson.

And then best of all, Kevin installed the baby gate! Whew! Makes life so much easier. And Grayson immediately acted like a little prisoner, rattling away at it!

It was a very nice day and I am VERY glad to be Grayson's mom!

Happy to be 11 months old today

2008-05-03T14:39:00.001-05:00

Some funny faces today

2008-04-23T14:37:00.002-05:00

Random stuff

2008-04-20T19:53:00.007-05:00

Serious spring cleaning today. I went through my clothes and got rid of the stuff that is most offensive (as in, when will I *ever* fit back into that???) Stuff that I like and can almost fit in, I kept in the closet. Stuff that I like but makes me depressed because I can't fit (like my Betsy Johnson dresses and dresses from London) I put in Grayson's closet and I *will* be wearing them again in the near future!

We still have to get the damn first floor in order. Papers are everywhere and it smells soooooooooo bad! Basil's urine is disgusting. It's his diabetes. It makes the urine smell so strong. Kevin needs to install a cat door in the door to the garage so we can out the liter box out there. And the fur is everywhere - UGH! I just want to get rid of the cats. They make me crazy. I know that I once SWORE to everyone that I would NEVER feel that way about my cats, that my cats were my first babies, blah blah....and now they just make me NUTS! Just keeping the family room and kitchen clean is a full time job on top of my actual job, laundry and Grayson.

And Grayson is still terrified of the vacuum cleaner! Its hilarious. This kid is afraid of nothing - but visibly trembles (and sometimes cries) when we turn the vacuum on. So funny!

Oh, and we found a TICK in the bathroom, crawling on the cup that we use to rinse Grayson's hair. Yuck. We stabbed it with one of Basil's insulin needles and then set it on fire. I guess we are officially in the boonies now.

Losing weight!

2008-04-20T09:21:00.000-05:00

I am getting back into it. I ate well (or pretty well) all week and wrote it all down. I worked out every day but Monday. And I lost 2-1/2 pounds! Some of that could have been that I was wearing lighter shoes, but hey - I'll take it!

Tonight is Passover in Baltimore. My aunts and cousins are very thin - shouldn't be too hard to not overeat. All I have to do is look around the room and see all those skinny minis with nothing on their plates and I will probably lose my appetite! At least I hope I do. God I love food.......

Update -

Passover was great fun and I did not overeat. Here is Grayson enjoying some chicken and having a laugh with Aunt Shana

Grayson's Nemesis

2008-04-17T21:00:00.001-05:00

Ok, so it's not exactly a good reflection on us, as parents and housekeepers, that Grayson and the vacuum cleaner don't have a better relationship. But its not like we *never* vacuum.....regardless, you would have thought we were torturing the poor kid! Not only did he cry - he actually TREMBLED at the site/noise of the vacuum cleaner! I have to admit, we were laughing. Does that make us mean parents?

Anyway, the vauum cleaner is now parked in the living room near one of the windows that Grayson and I open the curtains on every day. So we "visit" it every day. For a few days after the Sunday crying incident, he trembled a little near it, then began to hesitantly reach out to touch it. Now he kinda smacks it and touches it when we stop by. At least he is trying to make nice with it.

Visit with Grayson's first playmates

2008-04-16T21:06:00.003-05:00

This evening we went to visit Grayson's old nanny, Glena, and Wendy and her kids Juli & Celia that Glena still nannies. We looooved Glena and those guys, but it was just too far to go. Grayson did make some frowny faces, but he warmed up and we had a nice visit. Those kids are really cute. Celia is 5 and asked me why Graysons' cheeks were so "puffy". And Juli, who is 2, apparently thinks I have a thing for apples. Wendy told me that not only does he ask about "the baby" but he still to this day tells Wendy that "Pia eats apples". Cute! And I do like a good apple, but I swear I never ate an apple over there.

Getting off my a**

2008-04-15T10:28:00.001-05:00

today i actually went to the gym again (3 times in 2 weeks - whoo hoo!) i wanted to do a spin class bc i know it is supposed to really help u lose, and i hate running, but i want to learn to love running - i am just not there yet - anyway...i peeked in the class (or rather stood in the doorway, staring...) and saw that the teacher was not there. so i asked the girl on the bike by the door in a small voice "is this really hard? i've only done this once, like 5 years ago..." (DORK ALERT) and she was SO NICE! like one of those ridiculously nice people that looks at you with huge, sympathetic eyes and talks very gently and emphatically, and she was like "no! not at all! you can do it, come in, i will help you get set up on the bike" wow! dorothy, you are no longer in kansas.

so i came in and she was awesome and got me all set up and we chatted a bit and i told her that i used to love body pump and was really trying to get back into it but have always hated cardio but know i need to do it and she told me she had never done a body pump class before and really wanted to try so we agreed to be work out buddies and help each other (tue/thus 6am spin, wed/fri 5:45am BP).

so there you have it! needless to say, i am VERY excited and plan to get my a** in the gym at least those 4 mornings a week. i feel good just thinking about it!

Back to the doctor

2008-04-14T21:11:00.003-05:00

I swear, Grayson has been sick since January. We both have sinus infections and so the doctor wrote us both prescriptions. He really had us pegged - asked if Grayson had been hitting his head and he has, but I thought it was just teething because he would hit his head and shove his hands in his mouth. But the doc said that he was having headaches! Poor thing! And he asked me if my tooth hurts - and I said YES! I was going to go to the dentist, thinking there was something wrong with my tooth or that I had a cavity. But it is my sinus cavities being infected - YUCK!

Upside down pacifier (wonder if this can hurt his teeth?)

2008-04-13T18:55:00.000-05:00

He loves to put his paci in upside down. I dont know why I find this so funny, but I do. He does not normally get it during the day, only at bedtime or in a stressful situation (or if I desperately need to be quiet). Sometimes at night, he will stand at the end of the crib and cry and when I go in, he has the paci upside down and it is hard to not laugh. On this day, he found on the floor and I found him with it.

Apparently, he thinks it is funny too!

Scream & Response

2008-04-10T19:14:00.002-05:00

We play this little game of taking turns screaming. Sometimes we do it together. I think it is really funny!

I am posting a link to it on YouTube - I hope this works and it can be viewed....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ol133qmCRE

Fat

2008-04-09T16:37:00.000-05:00

I am so sick of myself. I desperately need to lose 20 pounds (30? at least 20...) and am terrified that I won't lose the weight. NONE of my clothes fit - I just want to dump my entire closet. Once upon a time, I was one of those girls dreaded by friends and shopkeepers alike - the one that was always told "oh, everything you put on looks good!" Now when someone I haven't seen in a long time tells me I look good, it is all I can do to not say, "Please, its okay. You don't have to lie. I *know*" I don't actually say that, but I say something close and the subject is changed. Yes, I do not take compliments well. Especially ones that are out and out lies (or feel like it anyway.) Maybe I have that inner glow - I do absolutely love Grayson to a hundred million itty bitty little pieces - but otherwise, I am now that frumpy mom with nothing to wear. And I can't get over it. I can't stand being frumpy. I did get some jeans that fit and having clothes that fit makes a big difference. But I don't have much that fits. So I am usually feeling pretty crappy. And then beating myself up for not appreciating being slim and fit when I was slim and fit. I just always feel fat. And I guess I am not *really* fat right now, I could be in much worse shape. It is just depressing to have lost what I had worked so hard at. And I have done this several times over the past 10 years. I really need to get it together and take better care of myself. I have a long life to live with Grayson and I want to be there - and healthy - to experience all of it with him. And I won't even get into Kevin taking care of himself.....at least I have the excuse of having had a baby!

Depressed much? I guess I am.

Random

2008-04-04T22:15:00.002-05:00

The trees are almost all in bloom in our neighborhood. Every morning Grayson and I walk around the house and open the blinds and say good morning to the world and in the span of one week, we have gone from little tiny buds to pink, white and red blossomed trees.

In other news, Grayson is chewing much better these days. I still can't get him to really get the food in his mouth by himself, but he is eating peas and today he tried strawberries (did not like them) and black bean burgers (liked them after he watched me eat a few pieces). I think I am going to keep a little log on the blog with the new foods he tries and what he likes or doesn't like (since I seem to find it easier to write here then in his baby book....)

Also, Grayson and I are going to see JJ and Captain Co from Memorial Day, 5/26 - June 10. Two weeks! I hope they don't get sick of us (me). We are very excited!

Grayson Cash he ain't

2008-04-04T20:45:00.001-05:00

I don't know what happened - Grayson and the guitar were getting along so well.....

In = Out or Breaking Even

2008-04-03T18:41:00.000-05:00

As Kevin puts it: As of today, Grayson's 10-month birthday, Grayson has now been out just as long as he's been in.

Kinda cool. He has gained 13.5 pounds (more than double his birth weight from 8.15 to 21.7 (as of yesterday) and grown 9" (from 21 to 30). He is right on track. But more interesting is watching the developments each day - from a squirmy, helpless little thing that could only lay around to an out-and-out kid that can grunt and gesture his needs and wants, laugh and play, scoot himself around, and kinda sorta feed himself. It is just crazy when I get him in the morning and put him on the bed next to his dad and see that he really is a little boy. And a baby. But getting to be more and more of a little boy. How did 10 months go so fast.

I guess in the scheme of things, how he grew *IN* those first 10 months (from an egg the size of a pin prick to an actual baby with limbs and lungs) is probably more fascinating. But I am still amazed every day.

Less than one day old:

Ten months old today:

Crazy for Camera

2008-04-03T18:37:00.000-05:00

Grayson has now figured out that CAMERA = SMILE

But he doesn't just smile -- he goes bizzerk!!! Like seriously wildman crazy! Not just the shakey-shake, but throws his head back, waves his arm, shows all his teeth, squints his eyes. The pictures are kind of creepy.....take a look for yourself!

And btw, we can still get the nice, sweet, angel eye photos, you just have to catch him right because when he sees that red light on the camera, it is all over. Of course, it doesn't help that I am falling over laughing because then he falls out laughing even harder.

Musical Heart

2008-04-02T22:02:00.000-05:00

So many doctor appts this week.....Sunday my left eye started to look a little weird and Monday it seemed like full on pink eye. I went to the doctor and they gave me drops but it does not seem to be getting better. It is all squinty and red and glassy-looking. I look that crazy person that rubs her hands together and throws back her head to laugh "MWhahahaha!" And it is all runny in the morning. And it feels like someone is constantly jabbing a pencil in it.

Then Tuesday I had a big dentist appointment - lots of xrays, etc. I did go once when I was pregnant but very irregularly before that. So considering, my teeth are in really good shape. I have a few things to be fixed (like an old filling) but really, doing ok. Gums and all. That flossing every night really does pay off!

Today was Grayson's appointment with the Cardiologist. Everything is absolutely fine. He has what is known as a Still's Murmur and it is completely benign. It is sometimes referred to as a "musical heart" and one doctor I read about said if anything, it was an indicator of a healthy baby, due to the remarkable good health of the babies he has seen with this.

http://www.larserickson.com/PatientInfo/Murmurs_Stills.htm

I knew it would be nothing!

Very sad

2008-03-31T22:42:00.000-05:00

On a very, very sad note - the husband of a woman from Silver Spring, a pediatricain that my mother knows from Kaiser/work - that was my sister Shana's pediatrician, murdered their 3 children this weekend. The kids were 6, 4, and 2. He had them for a visit and took them to a hotel in Baltimore and drowned them, one by one.

How is this possible???

What bothers me the most - besides not being able to shake or even comprehend how the mother must feel and what horror she must be going through - but what really bothers me, is the question - how can a person hate his wife MORE than he loves his children? How can a person separate his emotions like that? They say he has mental problems, but he was cognizant enough to know for several years that this was the best way to hurt her. He had told her that he knew the only way to really hurt her was to hurt their children. Therefore, he hated her/wanted to hurt her more than he loved his children. I just find that mind-boggling.

She had fought for 1-1/2 years to remove or guarantee his visits were supervised. She was denied for being biased.

I just can't imagine what she must feel. It is beyond all comprehension. People say you experience the awful things that happen to children in an entirely different way once you have children. It is hard to explain, how the thought or knowledge of a child (or parent) suffering effects me on a much more cellular level. Like I feel it in my bones or something. I feel nauteaus thinking of the baby that was thrown 200 feet, ripped out of his mothers arms in the Oklahoma tornado, ill at the thought of the trauma he must have suffered and now having to grow up without his mother. I believe she was never found. I ache at the horror of the brutal killing of the UNC girl and others recently. Those murders are just down right terrifying and make me want to move far, far away from the city, to a place where Grayson can run free and I don't have to worry about getting shot for my Honda and atm card or Grayson getting hurt for his tennis shoes one day.

My biggest fear is something happening to Grayson or my not being able to live to a very old age to see him grow-up

So good

2008-03-30T23:00:00.000-05:00

Grayson is just so good. Every day he amazes me. Nothing in particular really - sometimes it's just the way he is sitting on my lap, pressing his little body into my chest, completely relaxed, while we watch a little March Madness with daddy. I press my my forehead into his cheek and he presses his head back against me, nuzzling in for a minute. Then looks down and discovers his hand, like he hasn't seen it all week.

Or earlier today, holding him in my arms, waiting for dad to bring the car around so we can load groceries and playing with my sunglasses. Lately I have been putting my huge Jessica Simpson glasses on him but today he put them on ME. Upside down. Of course.

Saturday we had a playdate with Grandpa. Kevin had to work (like the poor guy does most Saturdays......but it is for the greater good......And Grayson is so little now, better that Kevin does all this leg work now than when Gray would *really* miss him.) So Grayson and I thought it would be nice to take Grandpa on a tour of the Gargoyles at the National Cathedral, since Gargoyles and architecture are of particular interest to Grandpa. And who doesn't like a good Gargoyle? But it was so freaking cold (highest peak in DC, windy with no breaks) that we had to ask the tour guide for a raincheck and he was nice enough to say no problem. Grayson was being a trooper, but I could tell that an hour outside in the wind would be torture for the little guy, even with a paci.) So went for Sushi and Grayson just eats his lunch and plays with silverware and cheers up everyone around him. It's nearly impossible to not smile when you are around this kid.

Saturday night Pawan threw a party to celebrate Judith's 40 birthday. Our friend Larua was kind enough to babysit so we took her to dinner first and then went to our party. Laura has babysat before and she speaks and reads French to him. He loves it! It's so funny to watch because he knows what English sounds like and he knows what babbling sounds like, so he looks very quizzical at hearing French, like, "what IS that sound?"And just how good is our little baby? This morning he let us sleep until 8:30am!!!! Since we went to bed at 2am, we were very grateful.

And today was family chore day. We rearranged the bedroom (it is soooooooo much better! I never want to leave that room now) and we did a big grocery store trip. We all took a siesta and Grayson also did a few new things: he held his sippy cup all by himself at breakfast, he reached for his sippy cup sitting on the table during dinner to let dad know that he wanted water, and he stood all by himself!!! This kid wants to walk more than he wants to crawl. He has very good balance but Kevin was sitting on the ground and letting Grayson stand in front of him. He could stand by himself for at least 3 seconds before falling forward - laughing all the way. He also did one actual crawl using his knee on the bed tonight (trying to get to the footboard where he was previously pulling himself up) and, laying on his tummy in the middle of the bed, without anything to hold onto, tried to stand himself up. He got into tripod position and stuck his butt out and pushed himself up. He obviously could not get himself up from this postion, but it was clear what he was trying to do.

So I would say that was a big day!

Here is a standing photo (we took lots but this is the best one showing how well he balances - just not too flattering of him)

NYC here I come! Choo! Choo!

2008-03-27T23:00:00.000-05:00

There was a creative meeting in our New York office on Wednesday and when I mentioned that I would not be able to attend unless I brought Grayson, I was told "come on up!" So, crazy as it sounded, Gray and I scooted out the door yesterday at 7am - with way too much stuff, but anyway - and we drove our butts to the BWI Amtrak and hopped a train to NYC. The train was quite crowded and the conductor not nearly as nice as I thought he would be "give me your ticket, you need to make room next to you and hold the baby, this is a full train" Ummm, excuse me, could you help me make a little room by holding the baby while I put the stroller over the seat or maybe YOU could help me with the stroller?" which was out of the way, btw, but in the space on the floor in front of the seat next to me. And there *were* other people hogging up two seats with their jackets and crap. But noooooooo - pick on the lady with the baby. In the end, it was all fine and there was another conductor that was much nicer and I was happy to offer up the other seat (and I even told the other conductor they could take the seat any time they needed it) but he told me not to worry. And Grayson just sat on my lap and read books and looked out the window and then napped the last 30 min on the seat next to me (I made a little bed with my jacket and a blanket.) I had hoped he would sleep more since we were on a 8:30 train and he usually naps at 9ish, but he could not let go until 10:45 and we were there at 11:15.

At the office he was an angel.

(here he is, hard at work with one of our order forms)

Sat on my lap (and quite a few others) and played very quietly during our meeting. He even clapped his hands when the moderator said it looked like we had a lot of good ideas. We caught a 4:30 train home but it was soooooooooooooo crowded that the only place I could really grab a seat was on the quiet car. And oooooh, you shoulda seen some of the glares I got when I rolled that stroller into the car. But he was asleep when we got on and even later, babbling happily looking out the window, he was still one of the best passengers on the train. He ate his dinner, had a bottle, read more books, and played with the guy from Scotland next to us (who even took a picture of us so Grayson could see how well he did on his first train trip.) I was almost grateful to have someone sit next to us (and it was perfect, as the guy was only there for 45 min so we could spread out again after he left) but it was great he was there because I had somone to hold Grayson while I peed. On the way up, I had to walk the car with Grayson in my arms, searching for some nice looking grandma to hold him while I went (and prayed that we were not near a stop so no one could kidnap him!)

And this morning, sitting on me while in bed, he said momma. But he says it all the time. Kevin thinks he said it and meant it (maybe because he said "momma" right after me as opposed to mommamommamomma like he normally does) but I am not convinced. I think he knows it means something, maybe even something to do with me because he laughs and smiles when I say it to him. But somehow I feel like I will know when he says it and means it.

And today when I picked him up from daycare and when we played a little at home before bed, he was so extra smiley and ticklish and fun. He really is more like a little boy every day. We played with the stacking rings and he just has to have what mom has. If he is banging two together, I will get two and bang two. But then wants mine. So he takes mine and I get new ones and he wants those, and so it goes on and on.....then he stacked the rings, in order! Of course, I gave him each one to do, but he did it and really seemed to get it. Now and then he could not get one so I would do it and he would take it off and just HAVE to do it himself. Hmmmmm - more like mommy than I care to admit......

And nursing is officially over. It has been 3 days in a row now so I am going back on the meds. And dad is home now so I am going to go play with him. And I am so happy that the blog is now CURRENT!!!!

WHEW! Catching up the pictures are next....(its never over!!! forget about cleaning the house)

First Easter Dinner

2008-03-24T19:53:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Catherine, we had a real Easter/Purim dinner. I roasted my very first chicken, made yummy stuffing and green beans and even Grayson enjoyed eating little pieces of chicken and stuffing and then I ground some up in the cuisinart and he ate a little. He also tried to use the spoon more then mere playing, it actually looked like he was trying to get the food in his mouth. Though in the end, he pulled the food off the spoon and went (unsuccessfully) to put it in his mouth. We were so proud!

Here is a family self-portait (took 3 tries because he kept looking at me after I ran back to the chair)

Those pesky pegs

2008-03-23T17:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday after visiting Aunt Catherine, we packed our bags and headed out to Harpers Ferry again. We had commited to taking care of S&S's dog Tori. This sounded like a great idea a week ago when we made the plans, but now, with Grayson so sick and both of us having been out the night before, it was more of an "UGH". But we did it and were glad to help them out. Instead of cooking out on their lovely deck, we grabbed a Ledos pizza (it was cold out anyway) and Grayson was doing okay, we just needed to keep his fever down. Of course, we had an awful time getting him to sleep and, being the moron parents we are AGAIN, he had to sleep on the floor AGAIN (we brought the pack and play but Kevin left the insert that makes the bottom flat.) Though it would not have made a difference because I had to lay with him for nearly an hour and that would have been impossible with the pack 'n play.

ARrrgh! We can just never seem to get anywhere with him easily. Either we forget something or he is sick or *something*. Is it always this hard? When does it get easier? I guess if I wanted easy though, we would not have started on this parenting adventure. And when I say easier, I do not mean Grayson. He REALLY is good. I guess I just hate all the s*** that you have to drag with you. So much to keep track of. The flip side is the fun, and oh is he fun! Usually :-)

He is sooooo close to crawling now. He gets on all fours for at least a few seconds (or we put him on all fours.) We all get on the floor and Kevin and I crawl around him and he laughs and watches us and turns his body around following us and he puts a leg up like he gets the idea. He just can't quite put it all together yet. He is going to have soooo much fun when he does. He is just such a happy, funny, laughing baby all the time. I know he is going to really enjoy crawling. He is also starting to really exhibit his feelings. He has never been much of a crier (when he is awake and in his crib and wants to get out, he just grunts loudly for me - then I crawl up the stairs and into his room saying "I hear a baby!" and he laughs and laughs and I play peekaboo around his crib.) But anyway, now when he can't do something, or when he really wants something, like get the ring on the peg, he cries out in frustration. Kevin and I worry that maybe we clap "yay!" and encourage him so much when he does get it that now he has a complex when he doesn't get it so we try to let him know "Hey, no big deal! That was a really good try! Look, mom/dad can't always do it either" and we sometimes miss.

Of course, sometimes its just more fun for Grayson to eat the pegs.

Aunt Catherine

2008-03-22T17:25:00.000-05:00

Normally on Good Friday, our office is closed. So Catherine and I made plans to spend the day together. For whatever reason, we were open though and while I got a lot of work done in the morning, I began to notice that Grayson was really warm. His temperature read 102.35! UGH! Sick! Again! I really did not feel like going all the way back to the doc for something I doubted they could treat but you never know about the ears or strep throat. So back we went. He has an "adenovirus". Apparently, this is a very common illness for children (high fever, runny/stuffy nose, runny eyes.) And nothing they can do for it but wait it out.

So I dosed him up with motrin and we went to see Aunt Catherine, who was hell bent that we have a fab first Easter dinner, btw. She was baking a three layer cake for us when I got there! Here is Aunt Catherine with Grayson and his basket and cake:

Kevin had a boys night pass to visit his friend Tim and watch basketball (March Madness) and spend the night over there, so I just ended up doing the family thing with Catherine and the Haymans. I love visiting her family! All the family drama makes for great stories for Kevin (though I am sure it is not so much fun for her)....how Josh and his friend tore the kitchen apart dying easter eggs, and how is little friend kept passing me in the kitchen because Josh told him they "need to go out and get their fresh air" but little Jesse did not want to get his fresh air because according to Catherine, when you are seven years old and visiting at a friend's house, the goal is to try and do all the things at their house that you can not do at your own house and apparently Jesse has already had his fresh air for the day.....and then Andrew is 11 and Caroline nearly 15 and you can imagine all the problems that come with that territory. It is good practice for me to listen and learn what goes on with all these kids and how Catherine, who I admire VERY much, handles it all. She is an awesome, awesome mom. Not just to her kids, but to me too. My big sister. So she sent me home the next day with a cake, corn muffins, easter eggs, stuffing, green beans and a roaster chicken to cook! And a small hangover too......

Nine Month Check-Up - just a little scary

2008-03-20T00:00:00.000-05:00

Gryaon is tracking just like he has been but with a little more weight gain. For a while, his weight had dipped to the 10th percent and that is when we decided I just couldn't keep up with his demand and we started to add some formula (at seven months). Now his weight is the 25th% and his height is the 85th% - I want those stats! He weighs 19.5 and is 29.75" tall. A picture of perfect health according to his doctor and his CBC (he is also no longer anemic.)

Just two little things to keep an eye on....he has and incredibly high tolerance for pain. I doubt it is a peripheral nerve disorder, which is very serious (can't feel pain or temperature) but he does a high tolerancle so it would be difficult to know if he was seriously injured. He cried when he got his first round of shots many months ago, but now he barely even flinches. They took blood for the CBC and it didn't seem like he even knew.

The other thing is a little scary - he has a heart murmur. Another ped had mentioned this to me when he was about four months but told me not to worry about it and that it would likely go away. This ped also heard the murmur and said that we should get it checked out. He did say that he did not think it was anything to worry about, that many babies have murmurs that go away but that since he still has it and just to be safe, etc etc. I swear someone once told me that I also had one but not to be concerned about it, so maybe it is just how his heart is built. Anyway, like early in the pregnancy when we had so many potential problems, I am choosing to not worry about this unless it becomes something to worry about. I have the numbers of some excellent pediatric cardiologists and will be making an appointment for him.

Eating

2008-03-19T00:52:00.000-05:00

Accoring to my mother, by the time my brothers and sister were Grayson's age, we were practically feeding ourselves 6 course dinners. Ok, not quite, but she does like to mention that we are lucky to be alive because she *did* let us eat nearly anything from the time we could put our hands to our mouths (or sooner!) I am a little more cautious and basically follow the "Super Food" baby food book that teaches how to make my own organic, vegetarian baby food. Though Grayson is not a vegetarian because I make him chicken (pureed with sweet potatoes and then frozen in little batches so he can have some every day - which likely saves us at least $50 a month on that one food item alone!) Gray is a great eater, but he has a terrible gag reflex so he is not really eating anything on his own yet (like with his fingers.) We let him try teeny tiny pieces of tofu, gerber puffs, mum mum and biter crackers. But anything else, he gags. My mom suggested those little peas and carrots. He ate one pea, choked on the next. I took it away. Then the other day, my mom gave him half a banana to hold and eat! He loved it! Of course, he gagged half of it up (big bites) but it was good to see him finally feed himself.

Here is a nice pic of Grayson showing me what a proper little eater he wants to be, holding his spoon and everything

But now we get down to business! Grayson enjoying a biter biscuit (I like to let him attempt to feed himself right before bath time - then he can get as messy as he wants)

And here he looks like Elvis, but what he was doing --was trying to give me some Shaky Shake (which I think I have figured out is his way of sending us a kiss, because I often give him Eskimo kisses and we shake our heads/noses back and forth for them.)

Getting tickled with the spoon (which has to be at least as much fun as eating from it)

Drinking from the sippy cup (not so much.....but sometimes he can do it!)

Visitors, Harpers Ferry & Nursing

2008-03-18T20:56:00.000-05:00

Friday we had lots of visitors! Nicole and Ryan visited for a few hours in the afternoon and we all played on the swings . Grayson can swing by himself but I also take him in the sling and he really likes it - it must feel like flying. I know he doesn't look so happy here, but we had been swinging for a while and I think he was hypontized.

Dave Pan also visited for lunch AND dinner. We cooked out and it was so nice to have so much (un-work-related) adult conversation in one day!

Grayson is also sooooo very close to crawling. He reeeeeally wants to play with the cats and Ginger is so good about letting him chase after her (as much as he can anyway.) She actually teases him by getting real close and then laying down just out of reach. We have also have a bedtime routine with her. We take a bath and then Grayson rolls around naked on our bed and Ginger hops up there too. He squeals and pets her and then I (or Kevin, as he does the bedtime routine when he gets home in time) gives Grayson a massage with lotion, puts on pj's, and reads The Very Hungry Caterpillar and then Good Night Moon. Then bedtime (and I used to nurse but sadly, this seems to be ending.....more on that in a minute.)

Here is Grayson hell bent on getting that kitty and the little game Ginger plays with him:

Saturday we went to Harper's Ferry to visit and stay the night with my SIL, Sonya, and her husband Dwarka (but we call him Sponge). I love it out there, so pretty! Grayson had a great time visiting with his Aunt & Uncle. Here is a picture of the three of them

The night before we went to visit them, Kevin put Grayson to bed without me nursing. Then in Harper's Ferry, like morons, we forgot Grayson's pack 'n play, so we had to put blankets on the floor and pad the room so he could sleep on the floor. Not crawling helps, but he can roll whevever he wants to go. I think Grayson was so distracted though, he was not able to really concentrate on nursing. And it just seems like he is less and less interested. I feel kinda sad about it. Then we got back on Sunday, Kevin gave him a bath and I went to the grocery store. I asked Kevin to call if he could not put him to bed, but they didn't need me and he went to sleep - again - without nursing. So I guess it really is coming to a natural end. As sad as I am about losing this private little bond between us, I am grateful that I can start taking meds again that really do me a world of good.

Big day yesterday

2008-03-14T08:45:00.000-05:00

I really need to keep up on this blog! Little Grayson is so fun and cute, it is nearly impossible to capture it all unless I am truly diligent.

Yesterday was a big day. He waved for the first time - and meant it. He had been kinda sorta trying it out (like when he caught himself in the mirror or a window reflection b/c we practice in the mirror), but he did what looked like a wave when I picked him up from daycare and then we stopped by the UPS store and, with some prodding, he waved goodbye to the UPS man when we left (who was, btw, sooooooooooo excited about being the first to get a real wave that he was nearly squealing. It was awesome.)

He has also been pulling himself up. Mostly by holding onto my hands (this has been going on for nearly a month, as you can see by an old picture, he can be left alone standing while holding on to things) but the other day he started pulling himself up when sitting on my lap facing me by pulling on my shoulders or clothes or hair. And yesterday he was sitting in front of me while I was sitting down (on the potty - haha) and he began to pull himself up all by himself by reaching up to my knees.

He also got into position and actually looked like he might crawl yesterday. But no go. Its possible he'll go straight to running! He definitely prefers to be completely upright and sometimes we have a good giggle when I am trying to get him to sit so we can practice pulling up and he won't straighten his legs.

And he is getting a 6th tooth (the left cusp.) So he totally has a mouthful of teeth now, as both front teeth are in. He looked kinda cute for a while with his right front and cusp but no teeth on the left side.

Sweet sleep

2008-03-13T10:00:00.000-05:00

I have to write this down before I forget about it...

A few nights ago Grayson woke around 4am. He sometimes wakes around 3 or 4 am for a moment, we give him the pacifier and he goes right back to sleep. This time he was unconsolable. Nothing we did worked. So finally I brought him into bed with his. He laid in the crook of left arm and we faced each other. He stared deep into my eyes, touched my face, then settled his little hand on my neck right where it meets my jaw. And went soundly to sleep.

I was so happy I nearly cried.

pics - 2008 update

2008-03-05T19:59:00.000-06:00

1/6/08 - Homework with Carolyn Haymans - YAY!

1/18/08 - Brrrrrrrrrr! This is how we go to the grocery store

1/19/08 - The wetter the better!

1/26/08 - He still goes completely crazy in the jumper (thank you Doug & Nish!)

1/26/08 - Chillin' with dad.....

1/31/08 - How we fold laundry

2/9/08 - Herding cats

2/10/08 - Showing off his standing skills

2/11/08 - Grayson is really good with the ball popper. He knows how to put the balls in and to push the red buttons to get them to come out

2/15/08 - Loves to play in his crib after naps (sometimes.... :-)

2/16/08 - Bargain shopper at Costco

2/17/08 - Kennedy Center Japanese Art Exhibit

2/21/08 - Fun in the bath (he LOVE LOVE LOVES taking a bath)

2/22/08 - Mischief

2/24/08 - Just ducky

2/26/08 - Sick but hanging tough in Aunt Pats rocking chair

3/1/08 - Feeling better and ready to party

Highlights

2008-03-03T01:40:00.000-06:00

Here are some notes I had jotted in my work notebook:

10/5/07 - settled on our house! we were so excited, we got carry out and had a picnic and slept on the floor.

1/6/07 - Bye bye Bunny! We took Happy to her new home with Alison, a college student that I met on Craig's List (Happy is having the time of her life - she pretty much lives like a pampered pooch, even sleeping in bed with Alison and riding in the car - on the carseat - and hanging out at the stables where Alison teaches horseback riding. Lucky Bunny! Lucky us finding Alison!)

10/17/07 - JJ came and stayed with us for a week while I ran back and forth working with the painters, etc and she helped pack and watch Grayson while we moved some things.

10/31/07 - Grayson rolls over in both directions!

11/3/07 - Can stand by himself holding onto the ottoman

11/15/07 - Sitting up by himself now (I am sad to say I do not know the exact day but I know it was by now because I have pics)

11/22/07 - Thanksgiving and Grayson cried almost the whole time. Sooooo not like him but he was developing a fear of crowds/getting clingy with me, etc

12/1/07 - End of Autumn Party. Party was great! Though I spent most of it in my bedroom nursing Grayson. Then later I thought, "why didn't I just sit in my family room with all the other moms and nurse? Its my house after all!!!???" But I guess I kept running upstairs because he was crying alot (see note about Thanksgiving)

12/8/07 - Grayson is sitting up on his own and cut his first tooth. He also discovered dropping toys over the edge of highchair.

12/12/07 - Six month appt. Grayson weighs 15lbs-6.5oz and is 26.5" tall. He also has begun to enjoy hide and seek with his bath towel.

12/13/07 - full on separation anxiety has begun!

12/14/07 - damn period returned again

12/17/07 - second tooth! And he has figured out cause & effect. So cute - I caught him laying still on his back staring at his mobile and then he would kick and watch the mobile shake. Then he would kick again, watch it shake. Then he would try out different kinds of kicks to see the mobile respond. The best was when he did a little full body shimmy to see what effect that would have.

12/21/07 - Grayson bit my left boob while nursing and I screamed. Made him cry. I felt bad bt man, that hurt!!! We also left for Alabama (driving). Grayson did great on our trip! He mostly slept but he is so, so good. He just hung out and looked out the window, etc. We stopped every few hours. It was very easy.

12/25/07 - Grayson's first word!!! He imitated JJ making a funny noise and responded to her with it. Then he continued for days making the noise back and forth with us (he still makes it now and then). I will try to spell: Kweeeeechck

12/31/07 - Grayson slept thru it. Kevin and I sipped a little champagne, watched the ball drop on tv and went to bed. Woo hoo

1/3/08 - kinda acting like he wants to crawl?

1/4/08 - Showing real signs of independence - when nursing he was pulling my hand away from his head and not letting me stroke or pat him b/c he wants to stay awake. He was also grabbing my hand and swinging it and trying to play.

1/9-11/08 - I had to go to Rhode Island for a conference for three days and my sister Shana came to watch Grayson during the day. He had to start on formula because I did not have enough breastmilk in storage. But I have come to peace with it. I nursed exclusively for seven months and now he gets about 2/3 formula and one 1/3 breastmilk (morning and night). He also LOVES to eat solid food and has three big meals a day. And yes, I missed my little guy but I knew he was in great hands both day (Shana) and night (daddy).

1/15/08 - Grayson starts daycare on Tuesday and Thursdays at Iman Learning Center. I love this daycare - it is family run but not out of a home. They have pre-K and an afterschool program. The family is very nice, Muslim, and the assistant director is Jewish. It is very diverse and that makes us very happy.

1/16/08 - Seven month appointment (though he is actually 7-1/2 months now). He weighed 16lbs-11oz and measured 28" tall

1/21/08 - To the doctor again. He is really sick - fever, ear infection. But he is gaining weight - weighs 17lbs-5oz

2/2/08 - Memorial service for my grandmother, Pat Ellsbury. She became very sick in November with pancreatic cancer and it took her down in about 8 weeks. It was so, so sad as she was so full of life. We are only glad that she did not suffer for long. But we still feel robbed. Grayson was still sick and stayed home with Kevin while I went to the service.

2/8/08 - went to the doc again (this was actually our fifth trip since his seven month appt on 1/21, as he was not getting better. They put us on a third antibiotic and ear drops. We went back this time because there was green pus oozing from his right ear. Apparently the pressure built up so much that he blew a hole in his ear drum! It has really been a miserable few weeks and our poor little guy really put on a brave front with all the pain. And we tried our best to not turn into walking zombies, as obviously Grayson had a hard time sleeping. Sometimes we put him in the swing b/c it hurt him to lay down and sometimes I slept on the floor of his room. But despite being sick, he is still gaining - weighed 18.4 this time.

2/9/08 - had a spaghetti lunch with the girls at KK's. Was so fun to see all the babies!

2/14/08 - uneventful Valentine Day. I had to go to NJ for the day. Kevin gave me bad directions and it took me four hours to get there and nearly four hours to get home. Looooong freaking day.
2/16/08 - I am trying to reach out and meet more moms with kids Grayson's age close to home. Even though we have tons of friends with kids, we are very spread out. I need some local mommies.....so I met some moms on a mommy central MD website and we had a Valentine Party. It was fun and another mom from my prenatal yoga class found me online and went to the party too. Her name is Michelle and her little boy (a few days younger than Grasyson) is also named Grayson! So much for unique and unusual....I am willing to share with Michelle, but I fear Grayson will be the next "hot" name ;-)

We also went to Costco on the 16th and Grayson loooooves riding in the shopping cart now.

2/24/08 - Met with some new mommies in Gaithersburg that I met through DCUrbanMom.com This group might actually turn into something. One mom and Ihave boys the same age and have become quite friendly. We are trying to get into a baby swim class together.

2/25/08 - Grayson sick again! Fever, diarrhea, ick. Ped says it is a stomach virus and could last 2-3 or 7-10 days. Great

2/28/08 - He is not getting any better and the fever is higher. He won't eat and will barely drink. Went back to the ped and he has (likely) the croup. His cough is soooooooooo sad and his eyes look tired and sunken.

3/1/08 - He seems to be over th hump and even had a little rash this morning so it could have been Roseola. His fever is gone. Late in the day we went to Brian & Teresa Cook's one-year birthday party for Mimi. So sweet!

Our AI Picks

2008-02-28T09:21:00.000-06:00

I think we pick two more guys and dolls? Our best guess for tonight is:

Jason (just not cutting it...too dorky but not in a good way)
Robbie (fake rocker/wanna-be/go back to your BoyBand, dude....)
Amanda (too much rocker...sadly)
Kady (just eh)

(We also don't love Kristy Lee Cook, the horse-riding singer even while she sings...but we think she will stick around at least long enough to sing a country song, since so many peeps seem to love that stuff on AI and that is what the judges said she should do, so I think people wanna see that.....)

And while Simon and I are usually like twins separated at birth with our comments, I totally disagree regarding David Cook. Kevin was particularly offended by the comment that crosswords were boring! Such a little bookworm he is....but while I agree he is rather ho-hum when not singing, when performing I think he transforms into a completely different person - charismatic and very sexy! One of my favs. And I just love that little David "Aw-shucks" Acrhuletta! We also think David Hernandez is great.

Okay, more about Grayson soon.....though Grayson does understand the importance of AI in his life, as it is the countdown to his birthday! :-)

Sick, sick and sick of being sick

2008-02-27T22:42:00.000-06:00

grayson so sooooooo sick right now. went to the ped on mon and he has a stomach virus, fever, cough, etc. the fever has not gone down (last night was hell) and i am pretty sure it has traveled to his ear. so back we go tomorrow. then i have a client lunch - and guess who's coming....

the real drag is that he has been sick for at least the last 6 weeks. he had his 7-month appt on 1/16 and then we went back on mon, 1/21 because he was sick. then three more times after that, with three courses of antibiotics prescribed for an ear infection that eventually blew a hole in his right ear drum. we finished those meds on 2/18 and thought we were all good. but here we are..........and this time it is so much worse. he is just pathetic.

work is suffering because he has missed so much daycare - and he only goes on tues and thurs anyway! right now i am taking a quick break to write and gorge myself on cookies that kevin made when he came home at 3pm today to help me with gray and i spent the whole time trying to reinstall my printer....i am DYING at work right now with grayson needing me every second.....and then the stupid printer! can't i ever catch a break???? but kevin looked cute dancing for gray in the kitchen. the cookies are awful.......

meanwhile, i have an "updates" summary/blog to post but can't get to it just yet and i will soon post summary pics to go with that post (though it may be two sep posts b/c i am so technically challenged and can never get the copy to flow right when i add more than one pic)

The BLOG is back! (and includes my AI picks)

2008-02-21T21:21:00.000-06:00

Well, I am trying anyway.....(Elton John anyone, btw?)

I am really trying to get into the swing of things here again....so much has happened and I feel the need to go back and explain the last few months (FIVE months?) so I keep putting off writing until I do that but to do that fully would be impossible. So I will start with what is most urgent - MY PICS FOR AMERICAN IDOL :-)

(we love American Idol and I hate to admit that I succumbed to silly pop culture, but hey, it really is fun and AI is particulaly signifcant to us because the countdown last year was the exact same countdown to Grayson's due date)

Here are my thoughts:

THE GUYS
Who I want to go home:
* Garrett Haley (annoying)
* Colton Berry (totally forgettable)

Who will probably go home:
* Luke Menard (cute to look at)
* Jason Yeager (super cute little kid)

THE CHICKS (not nearly as good as the guys this season....i kept falling asleep!)
Who I think should go home:
* Amy Davis (forgettable except for a hot body)
* Amanda Overmeyer (one-trick pony. I like the trick, but still, it is one trick that most of the 12 year olds voting probably won't understand)

(I find most of the girls blurring together...so many forgettable blonds! just MHO)

Kevin's Picks to go home:
* Garret Haley
* Jason Yeagar
* Amy Davis
* Joanne

Incredible Hulk

2007-10-03T01:06:00.000-05:00

Today Grayson laid on the bed and with each hand, gripped my big finger. I then pulled him and he stood himself all way the up to standing, lifting his own body weight. I did not help or hold his hands in anyway. And then we did it three more times! He had been standing this way for quite some time, but I could not believe that he pulled himself all the way up with no help. And he was soooo excited to do it! You could see the look on his face that this was huge (wide eyes, gaping mouth, sheer delight)

We visited Deanie and Liam and showed off our new trick. Then I was so happy, I told dad when I got home. And he says they have been doing this for a few days now!!! Nice sharing dad.

Tomorrow we have our final house walk-through. Friday we close and get keys. Wooo-weee! We had planned to take Grayson to Catherines and go out for a nice celebratory dinner over by her house in Great Falls (our first grown-up dinner alone) but now somehow that seems weird, to not be celebrating with Gray somehow too. So we might just go to the house, sit on the floor in the empty house, pop some champagne and make carpet angels. Then again, it might be nicer to do that when we have clean new carpet.....clearly, we don't know what we are doing yet...we will just be so damn happy to get the keys!

Mmmmmm...Prunes!

2007-10-01T23:13:00.000-05:00

Also wanted to mention that last night was our first official night giving Grayson a little solid food. And I do mean little. Since the doctor said prunes might help, and he is big enough/old enough to start on solids, I figured I would waiver on my "only boob milk for the first six months" self-imposed rule for the sake of everyone's health (Gray's physical, our mental.) So I put a few spoonfuls in a little dish (I normally use it for soy sauce with my take-out sushi, but it is really a little cat food bowl.) It looked like such a teeny amount of pureed prunes! But when I had it in front of Grayson, it looked like SO MUCH food! So I tried to feed it to him. He definitely opened up to eat it (he gets that "eat anything" response from me) though he seemed alternately intrigued and icked out by either the taste or the texture or the act of having to gum it down. It was a riot to watch his face change expression. Kevin tried to take pictures but could not get one with his mouth gaping open, which it was alot. We will try again tomorrow but take video instead. Here are a few pics. Meanwhile, I had also bought a box of Oatmeal thinking eventually he could have a little of that at night with the prunes and maybe he would be filled up enough to sleep better. No such luck with that, as last night was the worst night to date in several months. And now that I see how little he ate, that box of Oatmeal should last us until he is in college!

Spider Morning / Scary Morning

2007-10-01T16:14:00.000-05:00

After another *completely* exhausting night (I think last night was the worst in a long while), Grayson was his cute giggly self this morning. He finds it particularly funny when I call him Giggle Man. I have no idea why this is so funny, but somehow this combination of words sends him into peals of laughter. Anyway, Giggle Man was sitting against my legs facing me and looking for entertainment. My repetoire of kiddie songs is still quite small, but I remembered Itsy Bitsy Spider and the hand movements and was excited to see how he loved to watch my fingers make the movements. Though for a while, the song went something like this:

* The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout -
* Down came the rain and washed the spider out -
* Damn, what comes next? I know something happened next..... What happened next? Why did the spider go up the spout again? I know he goes up the spout again, but *why*??? Why would he go up the spout again? Why? Why? Why?
* And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again! Yay!!!!

Finally, I remembered: Out came the sun and dried up all the rain! Whew!!!

So on that happy note, we left for Glenas. Glena is in Four Corners, so we either take the beltway or take University Blvd the whole way. I was on University and as I approached the intersection at 29, I could see a fire on my right at the gas station, maybe 50 yards away? I don't know how to measure the distance, but picture that I was coming up on a McDonalds on my left and the gas station was just past the McDonalds on my right - so it was VERY close. It appeared that a gas tanker truck had backed into a pump and knocked the pump over. The pump was on fire and the back wheels of the truck were on fire and the guy was running around like mad and then trying get the truck out of the way of the fire. There were flames shooting from the pump and all around it, and huge black smoke billowing up from the station. Needless to say, my blood ran cold and there was no where to go. I got into the far left lane and stopped - there was no way in hell I was going to get closer to the intersection and risk getting caught in an explosion when the truck blew. And it looked like this was possible. Besides, the light at the intersection was red. Meanwhile, the cars around me are honking at me! Hello?? Am I the only one that sees there is a GAS STATION ON FIRE!?

A *GAS* station, people. GAS.

And my baby is in the car with me. Its really rather sad to think how people are so self-absorbed and in such a rush to get where they are going that they don't notice anything going on around them. But thats another rant. Thankfully, a man nearby got in the road and actually blocked the traffic from getting closer to the gas station until the light changed green. I think by then people noticed what was happening. And since the tanker had gotten out of the way of the fire and put his truck out, I gunned the light.

And Grayson slept through the whole scary fire.

2007-10-01T01:22:00.000-05:00

The rest of this weekend has been very full. Yesterday morning I took my parents and brother Alex and his wife Tanja out to see our new house (we close on Friday!) Everyone liked it very much though there were a few too many opinions about carpet and paint....I guess that is what happens with family...but all in all it was a lovely visit and Grayson and I had lunch with Sasha and Gerry afterwards at Chevy's near the new house. It is not quite Rio Grande, but it will do. Here is a picture of us that the waitress was kind enough to take. Kevin was out playing golf with a bunch of his friends, a send off for Coch before the Seattle move.

Then yesterday evening we went to Becky and Linwoods and finally met their little baby Elijah. So cute! He looks to have Linwood's eyes and nose but he is quite fair like Becky and just as pudgy and healthy as can be. I thought he looked like a sweet little Buddha sitting in mommy and daddy's lap. Here is a great picture of Becky with Elijah .

Kelly and Coch also stopped by with Sara and here is a cute picture of them.

We stayed for dinner and had a really good visit. Linwood made THE BEST bbq chicken EVER! I am getting hungry thinking about it....and they seem to be doing great. Elijah is about two months old now so they are pretty much out of the hell period. We had fun trying to get Grayson and Elijah to sit on the couch....it was a big sob fest! We are looking forward to going to the beach with friends next summer when all the kids can really play better. So we had a nice, long visit and when we got home and got ready for bed, again I had to laugh. It was 10:11pm on a Saturday night. And we were crawling into bed.

Today we had brunch with Brian and Monica and their daughter Emma, who is two years old. And it is just shameful, but this is the first time we are meeting Emma. I think Kevin has seen Brian a few times, but this was our first actual get together with kids. Two years old already? Where in the world does time go? And why does it speed up like it does? I remember thinking as a kid that a week or a month was soooooooooooo long! Now two years is a blink. Here is a picture of the Sakalas. By-the-way, it was Monica's mom that taught the parenting class we took.

Big (and I do mean big) night out

2007-09-29T16:00:00.000-05:00

Getting out of the house to meet Kelly last night was hell. I have one pair of jeans that fit - and they were my fat jeans from before I was pregnant. I guess I should be grateful that at least they are not maternity jeans...though I am still wearing mostly maternity clothes. I actually have no idea where much of my clothes are....the stuff I have out is maternity or "easy-to-nurse-in" tops. So that doesn't leave much. Anyway, I was seriously bummed out rummaging through the closet to find something to wear my first night out sans bebe. Kevin kept exclaiming, "Geez! Its only The Corner Pub!" and while yes, that was true, I am just so sick of wearing the same old shlumpy clothes all the time. But it looked like I was going to have to wear the fat jeans and the same old black maternity tank top I had worn all day. The one that had been puked on twice. So I thought, well, at least I could wear a fun belt...and I dug under the dresser for my little box of cool belt buckles. I was very excited to break out my vintage 1977 KISS buckle. Okay, I thought, now my old self is coming is back....and as I slipped the belt through the jean hoops, a terrible realization came over me as I pulled the two ends together - they were at least THREE INCHES from being able to close!! Whaaat???? I was stunned. Kevin's jaw dropped and he gasped. "Wow!! You must have been *REALLY SKINNY* when we were dating!!" Thanks lover. I can not BELIEVE that my belt doesn't fit!!! Seriously. How big am I? After I shook the shock off, I found a white (maternity) tank top (at least it was clean), a necklace (rare treat, as Grayson grabs everything) and a cute purse I had purchased in London (much lighter than the diaper bag). And off I went! To my completely uneventful evening of pizza, water and a beer. But we sat in the bar so that felt very exciting. Of course it was wonderful to see Kelly and catch up with her - they are moving to Seattle in a month - but we both had to laugh at just how much things had changed in our lives and all we talked about pretty much was baby stuff, pregnancy stuff, and family stuff. By 10:30 we were both about to pass out and I was in bed by 11:15pm.

75/45

2007-09-28T17:08:00.001-05:00

Those are Grayson's height and weight percentiles from his four-month check-up today. I wish I could boast those percentages....75% for height (25-1/4") and 45% for weight (14.4oz). The weight is way down from when he was really little but he is still tracking upward at a steady and even pace and that is what they look for. Same for his head (16-3/4" @ the 65%). The doctor said he is just perfect, as he is plotting along nice and evenly. Can't ask for much more than that!

We also talked about his constipation and she said if using the thermometer is working, then by all means keep doing it and to not worry about his becoming dependent on it (as can happen with suppositories.) The thermometer stimulates him to push so it is helping him to learn what he needs to do. It is actually kinda cute to watch him when we do this. He just looks so damn happy to be getting the pressure relieved and lays there with his feet tucked up (we have to hold them because he pushes his legs so hard) smiling away and then makes those funny little pushing and grunting noises. Now I make the noises at him to try and get him going (sometimes this takes a while....) and I think he is starting to get it. It just sucks when he cries from the constipation. It is the worst kind of cry. She also said we could give him some prune juice or, since he is old enough and big enough, we could start him on some baby prune food and after that oatmeal (not rice cereal, which is normally the first food, because it would block him up again.) We are going to do this because he has also been nursing SO MUCH at night. I am not getting alot of sleep. She said this could also be an indication that he is ready for solids. I am thinking if we give him the prunes/otameal at night that it might keep him sleeping a little longer....

Tonight I am going out with Kelly. We are meeting at The Corner Pub. My first grown-up adventure out with no baby!!!!

Giggles Galore

2007-09-26T23:49:00.000-05:00

We already knew that Grayson was a delightful, happy and good natured baby (after he got through his first 8 weeks) but now he is just PURE JOY. I had out and out laughter and giggles from him today. He loves to play and be tickled and kissed and have his tummy kissed. And he has had little bits of out loud laughter over the past few weeks…but today was a full-on gigglefest! And then when Kevin got home and played with him, he got the same wonderful response.

Ohhhhhhhh, he is just SO CUTE! I want to eat him up! How is it this possible to love something so much? Eveything little thing is so amazing to him – right now he loves to smack his legs when his clothes are off. I think he is checking out the noise and feel of his hand. Its just so cool to watch him. Could watch him all day long…..

Sadly though, he is still horribly constipated and we have to do our little thermometer trick every day to help him. I can’t wait to go to the doctor on Friday. I hope they can help this time (seeing a different doctor). The bummer is that he gets more shots. Poor baby.

I did something bad today. Grayson was taking a nap and I went upstairs because the baby monitor had died and I wanted to switch it with the one that was charged. I checked on him and he was fine and went back downstairs. After about 20 or 30 minutes, I realized I had left it upstairs! When I got up there, I heard him crying. And he had that little hiccupping noise, like when you cry so hard you hiccup and hyperventilate a little. OMG, I had never heard him make that noise before – and it was so sad I thought my heart would break – hearing him make that little sound as he calmed down! Never again. He was also hugging me a little today for the first time. And he rolled over again.

He is just the BEST!!!! I want to snuggle up next to him now. Sadly, I need to do some more work.

This and that and a little poop too

2007-09-25T02:39:00.000-05:00

We also met with the accountant last Thursday to finish filing our taxes. Ugh. Don't want to talk about that any more. I get screwed worse every year. At least being married saved a little bit.

Friday I had my follow up and it looks like all systems are go. Since I basically only skipped two periods and was 5 days late for the third, it is likely I am ovulating again or will be soon. So the plan is still to try and give Grayson a little brother or sister shortly after my birthday in February. He will be nine months then and that seems like as good a time as any. We are enjoying him so much right now, we don't want to rush to change anything yet but we don't want to wait too long either...so that seems like a good marker. And I need to lose 15-20 pounds. Ten pounds will get me exactly back to prebaby weight and 5-10 more will get me back to where I really want/like to be. But at the rate I am going.....UGH!!! I seem to be developing the same habits as my son - I can't keep anything out of my mouth!

Friday night Kevin and I sat around the kitchen table making tomato/mozzerella appetizers for Yom Kippur and dreamed about our new house. Things seem to be going fine so far and all the fixes we asked for are being made.

Saturday I wanted to go to services with my mom and sister, but it was just way too hard with Grayson. I would likely have spent most of the time in the kids room nursing him so we opted to snuggle up in bed and watch a movie together (well, I watched, he nursed and napped against me.) It was wonderful to watch a whole movie, beginning to end! We watched an old Steven King classic, The Dead Zone. Love that Stevie King! And then we went to Baltimore again and had a grand time. Grayson is just *so good* on these trips!!!

Sunday the little family went to Dulles, VA (*I know*!) to check out the Capital Home Show. It was cool. Most of it was out of our league, but it was still cool to look, as it is very timely. Mostly we gave our number out to painters/floor people that want to give us estimates. But we did see this really neat flooring called Marmoleum that is a fancy type of linoluem in these awesome color squares and panels and you can create all kinds of designs and patterns in your floor. It is seriously the neatest thing I ever saw for a floor. It is also eco-friendly. We really wanted to use it, but of course it is expensive. So we are back to mostly carpet in the living areas and we will put hardwood in the kitchen. The house will be easier to resell that way (because we would have an art deco inspired multi color/multi square floor in the kitchen and family room if we could afford it right now.)

Last night poor little Grayson had the worst constipation again. I put the thermometer in his butt again, but this time I had read to hold it and not move it like the doctor had shown. And after a few minutes (and lots of happy grins from our pervey kid) we had some action. Thank God! And he slept sooo much happier. It just cracks me up when I see him beaming up at me with the thermometer in his tush! But as long as he is happy.....and then today when I got him home, I did it again because he started to cry again when I nursed him. And my mom pointed out that we don't want him to associate pain with nursing. So I was worried about his crying out.....and when I did it this time, he responded by really wanting to poop. Made little grunting noises (SO CUTE!) and pooped. But it was very thick. I don't know what is going on or why it would be like this unless I am not drinking enough water??? We go to the doctor again this Friday for his 16 week appt (which he turned yesterday) and it is a different doctor. I'm glad because I think I need a different opinion/more information.

Also today, I started to meet with contractors. Met with a painter and a carpet guy and a designer to talk about color. We want to use lots of color but want to be sure it all flows nicely, so it was worth spending a few hours with an expert. It was good to have her there because she talked me out of some colors that might have been too loud/wild but I definitely still picked everything I/we wanted (since I have to represent for all the Paynes!) Things will look like this: the living/dining room will a light yellowy color with a darker yellow/orange/umber on the beam that separates the room and that color will follow all the way up the wall on the upstairs stair case (making an accent wall). The family room will be a brighter yellow/orange. The kitchen a brick color (I might make this a little more orange....) The downstairs room will be eucalyptus green and the master bedroom a light to medium blue with a navy ceiling and mediterrean blue in the bathroom. Grayson's room will be a diffrerent light blue and white (i am painting harlequin diamonds on the lower half of the walls in white and hanging mardi gras beads around the ceiling perimeter) and the nursery/closet will be gumdrop green. The hall bath will be kinda silver and I will stencil moons and stars. All the ceilings are a light goldtone/cream color.

I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Random stuff

2007-09-20T22:45:00.000-05:00

Grayson still has that nasty cough but he also still seems to be okay...just keeping an eye on him. He is also still really farty and lord, does it smell bad. He definitely got that from his Dad! PEE-UUUU!!! And the constipation started to bother him again today....is it me? What I am eating? Or not eating? My diet is probably not all that great. This house is such a freaking disaster and the kitchen so small, it is impossible to cook. Just one more month!

And that only gives us a month to find a home for the bunny. Poor bunny. She is soooooooooooo sweet!!! And SMART! She is always trying to hop out of the room (she loves the bathroom for some reason) but knows where she is supposed to live because when we come after her, she runs right back into her room. And Grayson loves to pet her! It was so cool to see the first time (a week or so ago.) I held him over her and he actually pet her! Like rubbed his hands back and forth in her fur, and grabbed into the fur and her ears. She just nestles down against us and lets him pet away. He still seems so little to have those kinds of proactive motions, but I guess not. So it was really cool to watch him respond to the feel of the fur and stroke her (albeit choppily.)

He is also finding his giggle. It's sporadic, but it is really cute. And he is starting to babble more and more. And get easily distracted. Nursing is taking more work because he wants to look all around and look at me and hey, what's that over there? And what about that over there? And forget having the tv on when I nurse, unless he is just exhausted. He totally discovered the tv a while back, but now he zeroes in on it right away! And the little bugger, he figured out how to watch it in the mirror next to the bed if I am not careful.

Yesterday Kevin and I met at Glenas and he installed a car seat base in her car. That makes me nervous, but the driving is very minimal (just to the bus stop 5 min away if I leave him there past 3pm, when they need to go get Celia.) Then we went to look at Pergo floors real quick. Well, not so quick. After the guy tried to talk us into hardwood, etc, we held our ground on the pergo (though I really have no idea what we are going to do - we are getting estimates) - anyway, we agonized over the different kinds and picked 3 we really liked. When we flipped them over, we saw we had picked, of course, the most expensive ones. Then we saw the 10 we could afford to pick through and 1, 2, 3 we had our samples that fast. How funny that works.....

We also heard back from our real estate agent who seems to think we should let some of the things go on the inspection - all the expensive things! And one related to the drinking water/sprkinler system, so I did some research (thanks to my dad being a contractor, I know how to get sprinkler/WSSC info!) and we found that a big item in question (the back flow valve to the fire sprinkler system that separates sprinkler water from drinking) is actually quite a big deal and kinda pricey. So we got that back into the inspection report request to be fixed. But we said we would fix the rails on the deck, the missing shingle on the roof, and sealing the pipe colars on the roof. None of that stuff is cheap. We hope they pay for everything else and this is not a deal breaker.

Tomorrow I have to take Grayson back to Glena while I go and have my 6-week follow-up appointment (yes, I am 9 weeks late......)

The Out of Utero Adventures of Baby Payne

Talking

6/27/09 - a nice Saturday

Two Years Old

4/3/09

Packing and paint

Nasty nose

Loving JJ

Back in the saddle again

Shameful!

Road trip and here we are

First shoes and mommy learned a lesson

Jerri

The worst news I have probably ever heard in my life

Happy Birthday Suzy

Signing at dinner

Ann

More walking

Love

15-month appt and there's always something, isn't there?

What Kevin and Ginger do

What Grayson does at 15-months

Lonely but getting better?

Sleep/Eat

Hammock kicked my ass

Not in *Germantown*????

Sorrow

No sleep for the mommy

Must. Get. To. The. Fan.

Back to the Redneck Riveria! (part 2)

Back to the Redneck Riviera! (part 1)

Brownies

Can't get the horror out of my ears!

Slip 'n Slide

Star Light Star Bright

Cute

Kevin's only trip to the pool

Cousin It

Bjorn, walking & talking

Old McDonald

Poop Breath

Grayson's first camping adventure

Almost a step forward

Another Birthday Party

What Grayson is doing when he is supposed to be sleeping

One year doc appt

Sign Language

Father's Day

We love the Redneck Riviera!

Basil

I've heard of bedtime monsters - but bathtime monsters?

Mouth or table

Entering the Monster Phase aka War Zone

Momma and the New Bedtime Routine

Meowing, Standing, Biting & a few Funny Faces

How Grayson spent our Two-Year wedding anniversary today

What else?

Bad Mommy - but see how much we look alike now?

Sarah & Ryker

Mother's Day (5/11/08)

Happy to be 11 months old today

Some funny faces today

Random stuff

Losing weight!

Grayson's Nemesis

Visit with Grayson's first playmates

Getting off my a**

Back to the doctor

Upside down pacifier (wonder if this can hurt his teeth?)

Scream & Response

Fat

Random

Grayson Cash he ain't

In = Out *or* Breaking Even

Crazy for Camera

Musical Heart

Very sad

So good

NYC here I come! Choo! Choo!

First Easter Dinner

Not in Germantown????

In = Out or Breaking Even

Big (and I do mean big) night out